I’ve prescribed a small seemingly silly exercise to dozens of past therapy clients.
It’s an “I love me” exercise. I coach the client to look into a mirror and say “I love you” to themselves aloud. The instruction is to say “I love you” three times while maintaining eye contact with themselves in the mirror. When they repeat “I love you” they place emphasis on a different word each time they use the phrase.
- “I love you”
- “I love you”
- “I love you“
Yeah, I know it may seem cheesy. And maybe it is, but I have never had a client deny there was value to this exercise.
Loving one’s self is a challenge for most people. Most of us have heard things like “He’s too big for his britches” or “She has an awfully high opinion of herself” or “I wish I could buy him for what he’s worth and sell him for what he thinks he’s worth.” We’ve been indoctrinated to not love ourselves.
We’ve definitely been indoctrinated not to say “I love you” to ourselves. We usually think it’s only correct to hear it from another person. This is not true. We need to hear it, feel it, and understand self-love, independent of the good opinion of others.
If you begin this practice it may be uncomfortable. If your loved ones see you doing this, they may question your sanity. Talking out loud to one’s self is usually suspicious. When you feel more comfortable with the exercise you can ‘up the ante’. Try this, stand in front of a full length mirror while you’re naked and say “I love you, ALL of you”. Of course you’ll wanna do that one in private…. Being naked at the mall is definitely frowned upon.
Most clients who stay faithful to this practice notice some internal dialogue shifts within themselves. Personally when I was first coached to try this (about 20 years ago) I noted more smiling at my foibles instead of berating myself for goofy antics.
A minor shift in internal dialogue does not seem like a big deal…. But it is. If you’re like most of us, you are the harshest critic you have. This harsh silent internal self-criticism has a devastating cumulative effect. Release the self-criticism and replace it with self-love.
Most of us can identify our objects of affection easily…. We love our spouses, our kids, our pets, our jobs, even our vehicles. We love a favorite meal or restaurant. We love our sports teams. We love a favorite vacation spot. We love TV shows and sometimes even well-written or acted characters in those shows. We love and idolize stars and actors we do not know. We love music of a particular genre or era. We love many many things…. Add one more conscious object of affection. YOU. Remember to Love Thyself.
Of course, Your mileage may vary.
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