Failure can be good for you.  I should know… I’ve done my share of it.

I didn’t always think this way.  I used to judge life by the success I achieved.   I even changed my definition of success  so I could enjoy more success and not have to admit my failures.

“If I learn something from any situation, the learning itself is a success”.       I told myself.

Because I decided to learn something from every situation I didn’t experience much I defined as “failure”.    And I may not have had the growth opportunities associated with failure.

Here are some of my “failures”:

I failed to retire from the US Air Force.  I served 12 years I only had 8 more years of active duty to retire.  Had I done that I would have a pension and health care for life.  Sure, I learned… but not getting a military retirement is a failure.

I failed to stay married.  I’ve been divorced twice.  Yep, I learned a lot from divorce…. But they were still painful…. And I think there are better ways to learn.

I never became a famous chef/restaurant owner.  I got out of the military and pursued my big dream.  I was gonna be the next Emeril Lagasse.   I opened a series of restaurants. I did well in my restaurants.  I earned over a million bucks a year.  And I had some local notoriety.  But my TV and cookbook deals never came.  I couldn’t even get Diners, Drive-Ins, & Dives to come to my last joint….. And of course I learned….

I was a professional speaker, making a living talking and training.  I wrote a couple of books…. I even contracted as an adjunct college professors…. But I didn’t sustain my business after 9/11.  I packed it in and re-branded myself as a therapist.

I found some success as a therapist…. but the economic downturn “accelerated my learning” and I moved on….

Now I’m a street cop.  I was rejected for the first six additional duties I applied for.  The rejection is a great learning tool, but in reality I failed to accomplish what I wanted to accomplish.  Yep… life is full of failures. And so am I….

I’ll tell you what failure is not:

• Failure is not avoidable.

Failure is not something to be avoided. Denis Waitley says it’s “Fertilizer for success”.  No true success comes without significant failure.

• Failure is not an event.

Failure, like life and success, is a journey.  There is not one defining circumstance that spells “failure” or “success”.  As long as we continue we have not failed.

• Failure is not the enemy.

In fact, I’d recommend making failure a friend.

• Failure is not irreversible.

One of the biggest failures in retail happened in 1985 when Coca-Cola changed the 99 year old recipe for Coke.  Consumers hated it. It only took the company 77 days to bring back and re-brand “Classic Coke”.   The executive that created the fiasco was fired.  And then re-hired  a few years later.

• Failure is not final.

Failure is only final if you quit.

• Failure is not a stigma.

Rather, I should say “Failure should not be a stigma”.  FedEx founder Fred Smith told about one of his execs making a $300,000.00 blunder in the early days of the fledgling overnight company.  The executive came in prepared to resign his position after the failure came to light.  Fred wouldn’t accept his resignation.  Fred said “No way I’m losing you, I just invested $300K in your education”

• Failure is not the goal.

Although I’m coming to grips with the ups and downs in my path, I’m not on the hunt for my next “failure”.  What I do know is that the only person who doesn’t make mistakes (fail) is the person who doesn’t do anything.  And I’m not that guy.

Of course, Your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay