Years ago I uncovered an idea…. The Do-Be-Have model.  I always thought it was something that came to me out of my consciousness, but I’m sure I heard or read it somewhere.

This was pre-internet. This was when real ink and paper books mattered. I was a voracious reader then (1-2 books a week). I was a military officer (Captain in the US Air Force) and was writing intermittently.

I was going to write a major self-help/pop psychology book.  My working title was:  3 Realities of Life.  I even had a concept for the cover art.  It was about this time (mid/late 1980’s) that the Do-Be-Have model percolated to my mind.  It was Part I of my book.

In short, the Do-Be-Have model is about who we are and how we see ourselves.  It’s about self-identity…. paradigms….the lens you use to view the world.

In Western culture very often we identify who we are by what we DO.  This is the essence of a business card.  And the perennial question at a dinner party…. “So, what do you DO?”  We summarize what we do in one statement.  I’m a street-cop. I teach kids. I work for Intel. I’m retired. I’m a golfer….

The other way we often identify who we are is by what we HAVE.  “I have a doctorate” (I HAVE a college degree) or “I’m a mother” (I HAVE children).  Or I’m a home-owner or I drive a Mercedes or I have cancer or I am a blonde….

Very seldom do we identify ourselves by what we BE.  The essence of humanity is to exist.  We just are.  One of the challenging assignments I have given my classes over the years is to describe oneself by “who you BE”…. without referring what you have or what you do.  Try it… it’s challenging.

If we figure out first who we are (BE) then we can decide what we want to HAVE  (goals, aims, directions) and combine those (Be+Have=Behave).  Behave tells us what to DO.

In our culture we have the order backwards.  We DO first, then figure out what we want to HAVE and usually never worry about BE until a crisis hits.  If we decide we want to HAVE more, we DO more.  This is an illusion, but DOing is limited.  BEing is not limited.  The truth is if we BE more our HAVE will increase.

Part I of the book was Do-Be-Have ….. in great detail.

Part II was the 3 Realities… They are:

• Reality… The way the world really is… Independent of your bias or mine.  True reality.  No spin.
• Industreality…. The way the world works.  Girls do this; boys do that.  There is “black or white” “good or bad”. The world of implicit and explicit biases. The why-everything-works-as-it-does reality.  The reality of limitations. Why a runner can’t break a 4 minute mile barrier.  Why carbon based fuel is the future. And other “rules” that will consistently be broken by innovative thinkers and do-ers.
• Surreality…. The reality of the imagination.  This is the only way to achieve dreams that are worth.  The ability to act “as if” and move through industreality into a new reality that you have created.  This is what Thoreau wrote about.

Part III was how to implement these ideas into practice and move from Industreality to your own Reality.

I haven’t written the book (yet).  I did, however, live the 3 Realities of Life.

I moved from my Industreality of violence and sexual abuse as a child: to my reality of protecting the abused and prosecuting the abusers.

I moved from the Industreality of my family of origin issues; to my reality of having  great family.

I moved from the Industreality of being diagnosed with ‘terminal’ cancer with six months to live; to my Reality of becoming cancer-free five years later.

I moved from the Industreality of losing my health, my job, my family, my business, going bankrupt, and being told “you’re too old”; to my Reality of becoming a street-cop at age 50+.

Maybe I will write that book… maybe…

Of course, your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay