I think everybody wants to be ‘heard’.  I know I do.  I know I want my message to get across in a way to impact so my audience is more willing to take action.

I literally think there are benefits to others when they listen to my message.  Of course I could be delusional.

I believe there are benefits when bosses listen to workers… I want my bosses to believe they’ll miss something if they don’t pay attention to my messages.  I want to create enough value and credibility (by my words and actions) that I have to be heard.

Yet sometimes I know I’m not heard…. and usually it’s not because of them!  It’s me. Here are some reasons ‘Why They Don’t Listen’ … and some fixes:

1. Too much negativity.  Nobody listens to a whiner.  If I want my message to be heard, I have to have a positive approach. I have to be solution-centric.   If I’m complaining; they’re tuning me out.  The FIX–Stop sniveling. Focus on solutions.
2. All hat and no cowboy.  If you’re not genuine you’ll never develop a loyal audience.  If you are too fake or phony, it’s easy to be seen as exactly what you are.  Empty promises and words that don’t ring true will shut their ears every time.  The FIX–Be real.
3. You’ve been dishonest with them.  If they ever catch you lying they’ve confirmed one thing–You’re a liar.  The question they keep asking is ‘To what frequency does this lying occur?’  Too much hyperbole can wear your credibility down and make you lose your audience.  The FIX–Speak the truth.
4. You don’t really care.  Or your message isn’t tailored to their needs.  If you’re only presenting your needs and your point of view they’ll tune you out.  They are listening to the most popular radio station in the world WII-FM (what’s in it for me).  The FIX–Make it about more than yourself.
5. Using 10 words when 5 will do.  If you talk too much you’ll lose them quickly. Listening is more powerful than talking.  Sometimes less is really more.  I’d rather leave them wanting to talk to me again than them wishing they could get rid of me.  The FIX–Use the right words and quit talking.
6. They’ve never felt heard.  If you don’t listen to them and validate them, it’s hard to get them to hear you.  We listen to people who validate us.  The FIX–Make them feel validated.

Here are some dead give-aways to recognize they aren’t listening:

• Fidgeting, shuffling feet, distracted actions
• Minimal/low eye contact
• No real response when you go silent
• Drooling/snoring

Here are some indicators they MAY be listening:

• Forward lean
• Lucid questions
• Eye engagement
• Appropriate response to ‘tie down’ questions

Real communication and listening is a full contact sport.  It takes energy, but I think it’s worth it….

Of course, Your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay