leadership

Why You Matter

Jay Irvin growth, hypnosis, leadership, mindfulness, opinion, oregon, police, shootings , , , , , , ,

YouMatter

I’ve been noodling on the recent mass shootings. Like most people I’ve been trying to concoct some solutions to these horrors.  Like most people who’ve done this, I feel like I’ve  been banging my head on the wall.  As I’ve said before, I don’t have the answer…. But maybe I have a partial solution…. Maybe

Most of the recent shooters are male, disenfranchised, marginalized, and emotionally unstable.  You know that guy.  The one everybody avoids because he’s “weird”.  The one that has a hard time engaging in conversation and connecting with others.  Now I’m not saying all misfit loners are going to get a semi-automatic and start creating chaos…. Not by a long shot…. But….

I used to know that guy in school.  He was David.  David was the guy who was quiet in class… Drawing coffins and skulls and vampires in his notebook.  David always had a “weird” sense of humor.  He focused on the macabre and other-world stuff.  David was a bit of a geek.  David is the guy some suspected police would find murdered children under the floorboards of his kitchen when he was grown.  David didn’t have friends and was a loner. Other kids talked about him in ‘hushed tones’.  Kids can be cruel. Teachers can be even meaner. They weren’t so ‘hushed toned’ when it came to criticism of him.

David was a pudgy, wire-haired kid who was in-the-closet gay.  This was the early 1970’s and it was also the south.  Gay wasn’t accepted, much less celebrated.  If I remember correctly David presented as more confused sexually than gay.  He was supposed to like girls, but that never clicked for him.  But he couldn’t like boys either, that was forbidden.  It was something we never discussed.

These were the days before Dungeons and Dragons,  LARP, or Star Wars. There was no cable TV, no Sci-Fi channel and of course, no internet.  We only had black rotary phones and 3 television stations.

If he was in school today he’d probably lean toward the “goth” or “zombie” kids. And he might have been too shy to associate with them.

David was also my cousin.  We were related and I was expected to associate with him in school.  I wasn’t a popular kid either.  I was 6’0″, skinny, gangly, be-speckled, a bit of an egg-head/nerd, and socially inept.  But David was family and I had an obligation (based on my parents expectations) to befriend David. So I did.

In the beginning I had lunch with David about every other day.  After a few weeks a couple more boys joined the table and we had lunch everyday together.  There at the table were four misfits talking about what adolescent boys talk about.  For us it was tractors and motorcycles and NASCAR and trying to make some money from part-time jobs and laughing about ole Mrs Hackney sleeping in class and fart jokes.  David, Randy, Eddie, and I;  Unlikely associates at best… Definitely not a cool kids club.

David grew up and became a mortician. He was more comfortable around those who did not judge or make fun of him.  Later, he was a respected funeral director and eventually came out of the closet.  He had a loving partner for 20+ years and died an untimely death at 50 due to a heart attack.  There were no dead children under his kitchen floorboards.

Randy’s dreams of being a great FFA agriculturalist crumbled and he eventually became a supervisor in an industrial plant. He married (against all odds) and raised a family.  He has 4 grand-kids now and hopes to retire at 68.  He owns his house, his truck, his garden, and a boat.  Only 13 more years to retire and enjoy it all.

Eddie wanted to be a famous motocross rider and loved American motorcycles.  When he was 13 he scored an Indian trail bike.  Eddie died on his Harley in a motorcycle crash at age 24.

I became what and who I am.

None of us fulfilled the negative expectations of our parents or teachers or peers.  All of us turned out OK.  Why? Maybe because we had people we connected with.  Even if it was an unlikely connection, originally forced by my parents. Maybe because we knew we were all different and didn’t fit in (kinda like all teens), but found a place to fit.

And maybe this is a partial solution to the present-day shooter situation. Maybe, if we engage one loner;  if they feel the connection we offer; maybe we can prevent one casualty.  Maybe.

Maybe they are weird and maybe they rebuff our attempt at human connection.  But what could be the pay off?  Is it possible we could prevent/abort/stop a mass shooting before it occurs?  Maybe, just maybe.   Like I said, It’s a long shot.

It’s time we get from behind our smartphones and tablets and ‘business’ and connect with another human.  Go out of your way to connect with a live human.  It will not be comfortable at first…. And parents, it’s time we teach our children to engage with others; And not just on social media… Teach them to connect even to the different kids…. You know, the marginalized ones.

Know, as you connect with these people, you’re planting seeds of kindness that may grow to something more valuable.  It doesn’t take an education. It doesn’t take money.  It doesn’t take a great sacrifice on your part.  What it does take is a small decision to help change things where and when you can.  And if you detect some threat, call for help.  The more we connect and know, the better we become as a society.

All I’m saying is you can make a difference.  And that’s why You matter!

And as always:  Of course, your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay

All Hail the Gatekeeper

Jay Irvin growth, leadership, mindfulness, opinion, police , , , , , ,

Gatekeepers are vital as standard bearers.  Good ones keep the standards high and insure consistent realization of organizational goals.  Bad gatekeepers can be an organization’s worst nightmare. I hope you don’t know any.

Good gatekeepers are as vital as good leadership.  Leaders base their decisions and vision on the information and resources at hand. Gatekeepers often provide that information and those resources. Gatekeepers are in positions of trust and sometimes leaders delegate decisions to gatekeepers to keep an organization running smoothly.  Intentionally or not, gatekeepers filter or color the information and resources that are available to the decision makers. Gatekeeping is a powerful position.

Was it the New Testament that said “With great power comes great responsibility”?  No, wait, that was Cliff Robinson as Uncle Ben in Spider-Man.

A couple of years ago we lost the chief of our organization because of “bad gatekeeping”.  I don’t think anybody else used that phrase, but this is what happened.  The boss wouldn’t allow any information to go to his boss unless it went through him.  He was a bad gatekeeper to the city manager (his boss). Our ex-chief set the example for bad gatekeeping to his supervisors and leadership team. He tolerated, encouraged, and rewarded the tenets of bad gatekeeping.

Eventually the city manager saw the damage the chief was doing to the organization.  The city manager fired him (again, they used a different term).

The chief’s bad gatekeeping practice destroyed morale, stifled creativity, caused conflict, created turnover, prevented forward growth, stopped communication, caused lawsuits, created a culture of distrust, and created a culture of “yes-men”. Our organization didn’t crumble, but it was close.  It’s been almost 3 years since that departure and the organization is not yet healed.

Bad gatekeeping  tenets are displayed in many ways:

  • Hiring form over function
  • Value style over substance
  • Keeping a “cool kids club” alive
  • Not allowing dissenting ideas
  • Discouraging “out of the box” collaboration
  • Using “know you/like you” as a main criteria for advancement
  • Refusing to allow/appreciate criticism
  • Never (rarely) admits making errors or mistakes (doesn’t tolerate those who do)
  • Have only ONE way to get results
  • Making all (important) decisions go through them
  • Can’t or won’t delegate anything but the most trivial items
  • Holding grudges or personal agendas
  • Develop personal insecurities
  • Find quick fixes without addressing the real issues

Many of the negative stereotypes of bad bosses can be encapsulated as “bad gatekeeping”.  Bad gatekeepers learn from their bosses.  If they violate the tenets of doing what the boss wants, there is “hell to pay”.  One of the lessons that sent a chill through our organization was the demotion of a Commander to Lieutenant because the demoted party violated several “bad gatekeeping” tenets of the now-fired Chief.  The Commander didn’t do “wrong” but the message was clear to the rest of the organization:  “Be a ‘yes man’, never offer anything that could be construed as criticism, don’t disagree, or suffer consequences”.

Good gatekeepers are almost the opposite.  They:

  • Welcome/allow/encourage criticism and negative feedback
  • Delegate and hold themselves and others accountable
  • Know they are fallible
  • Admits/allows mistakes– use mistakes as a learning platform
  • Know that questions build strength
  • Hire/promote substance with style
  • Promote relationships and transparency
  • Allow “team” think
  • Very secure in who they are and what they do
  • Seek long term solutions

An encouraging turn of events is that this Lieutenant was bruised, but not destroyed because of the horrible demotion.  The Lieutenant stayed true to “good gatekeeping” principles and continues making a positive difference.

This isn’t a diatribe about a specific bad gatekeeper I have encountered or observed.  Personally I like the ex-chief– (He hired me; he took a chance on an old guy)…  But I do wish those entrusted with leading and gatekeeping had values similar to good gatekeeping.  I wish I didn’t see it as a system problem and could just “blame” one individual.  I can’t.

My hope is these “bad gatekeepers” think they are “just doing the right thing”…  I hope they think that….. Otherwise their decisions would make them a force for evil, not just making misguided decisions.  It has to be misguided… Anything else would break my heart.

Of course, your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay

Truth, Lies, and Other Ambiguous Topics

Jay Irvin growth, leadership, mindfulness, opinion, oregon, police , , , , , ,

None of us could live with a habitual truth teller; but, thank goodness, none of us has to.            —–Mark Twain

Time Magazine ran an interesting article a few years ago that confirmed liars lie.   University of Amsterdam researchers used grant money to come to that conclusion.   I’m guessing it doesn’t take advanced degrees to figure out admitted liars lie, but now it’s certified and the article is listed as a professorial publishing for some doctoral candidate…. So maybe there was some benefit to the research.

We expect to meet some liars — Politicians, car sales professionals, a late night ‘pick-up’ artist, kids with their hand in the cookie jar, drunk drivers admitting to having “two” beers, and the list goes on….

Famous defense attorney Gerry Spence said he never lost in court because he always told the truth and never lied.  When I read that I wondered how he defined “truth”.   On the street I know the “truth” is elusive.  I hear the victim. I hear witnesses. I hear the suspect. I look at the evidence. The stories NEVER match and the evidence is usually sparse.  But I must find “truth”.

As a police officer there is an expectation that I do not lie while conducting official business.  If a police officer is involved in an integrity investigation and it is determined that the officer lied, that officer will eventually lose certification and not be allowed to work in law enforcement.  If a police officer lies in court, that officer becomes a “Brady officer” and cannot testify in court again without the previous lies becoming a matter of record.

Lying comes in many forms:

  • A false statement presented as true (I didn’t eat your cake)
  • An attempt to deceive or give false impression (I’m sorry you didn’t get promoted)
  • An attempt to not hurt feelings (That hair cut looks good on you)
  • Omitting an important or salient fact  (Seems good to me… Omitting that you haven’t really examined it)
  • Broken promises (Sure I’ll be there… with no intention)
  • Exaggeration (I bench 350 pounds)
  • Plagiarism (Pretending something is your original work, and it’s not)
  • Rationalism (Simply stated: Rational lies)

The truth is that humans lie, even when we intend to tell the truth.  Part of our lying is based on bias.  When we have a perception that what we are saying is ‘the gospel’ then it is…. From our point of view.  If you believe Tea Party dogma and espouse their ideals you may not think you’re lying, but there is a bias present.  If you think the Koch brothers are altruistic you may have a skewed perception. If we “preach” the liberal party line we may miss the “truth”.   Failing to acknowledge our bias may make us inadvertent liars.

And we participate in systemic lies.  I wear deodorant because I don’t want you to know the truth about me.  Without deodorant I may have body odor.  Hair coloring, false nails, false eyelashes, creative make-up, and push-up bras are all systemic lies.  Generally we appreciate the results systemic lies give us (we rationalize), but still they are attempts to hide the “truth”.  Or is a well made up, beautifully coiffed, enchantingly dressed woman really the “truth”?  Depends on your perception or bias.

When we lie, we lie for a reason. Sometimes the reason is conscious and sometimes it’s unconscious.

  • We lie to avoid negative consequences. (I did not leave the door open)
  • We lie to “fit in”. (Oh, I like hip-hop too)
  • We lie to be social (Yeah, it’s a great party)
  • We lie to be liked (Great chili!)
  • We lie to get better results (All I need is your support boss)
  • We lie to grab power or autonomy (Power as adults, autonomy as children)
  • We lie because of self delusion (I never lose at Scrabble)
  • We lie to help others (I saw him wearing his seat belt)
  • We lie to build low self-esteem (I have two purple hearts and a medal for bravery)
  • And the list goes on….

Psychiatrist Dr. Charles Ford wrote “Lies Lies Lies; The Psychology of Deceit” and goes into well researched data why we are such liars. The truth is that humans in groups have a baseline tolerance for lies based on specific societal norms. Our friends, jobs, associates, and peers tell us which are acceptable lies and which are not.  And normally we conform to these norms.  Normally……

Of course, your mileage may vary!

Dr Jay

It’s Not My Fault!

Jay Irvin growth, leadership, oregon, police , , , , ,

If I earned a nickel every time I heard somebody dodge responsibility, I’ve have a nice chunk of change.

In my previous life I was a therapist.  One of the reasons I stopped being a therapist was so many clients needed help yet never benefited from therapy because they refused to take personal responsibility. It was usually someone else’s fault (mother, father, boss, genetics etc.)  One of the mandatory prerequisites for mental health is personal responsibility. Assume responsibility for your life now and for your response to the “cards you’ve been dealt”.

A weight-loss client called me the day after his first session and said :

“That stuff doesn’t work.  I went home and ate a carton of ice cream. If you were any good as a therapist, I wouldn’t have been able to do that.  I want my money back”

I was flabbergasted…. And I sent him a refund. Amazingly, he called and tried to make another appointment, but I declined.

And there is no shortage of denying personal responsibility in my current job as a police officer either.

The first time I heard “These aren’t my pants” from an arrestee (after finding narcotics in his pants pocket), I laughed out loud. I thought that this denial of responsibility was police lore, but since then I’ve heard it at least a dozen times.  I stopped a guy for driving and gabbing on his cell phone.  His response “But they called me”.  An engineer said his job kept him too busy to renew his vehicle registration… “It’s not my fault… It’s my boss” he plead.

A buddy from another city called me to ask how to get out of a photo-ticket.  I encouraged him to just take responsibility for it (if it was him) and pay the ticket.  My neighbor wanted to know the secret to “talking your way out of a speeding ticket”… I told her “Don’t speed”.  A former neighbor texted me after being arrested for shoplifting…. I texted back “take your lumps”.

It seems to be human nature to minimize our culpability in situations when there are consequences.  We are in a “denying responsibility” culture.  Charles Sykes encapsulated it in his title “A Nation of Victims”.

Responsibility is like a coin.  There are two sides.  There is the positive side– Responsibility (taking credit, standing up for your actions, duty); And the negative side– Fault (blame, liability, impeachment, indictment).  But like all things, responsibility is neither all bad nor all good.  There are grey areas.

For me, I like to focus on expanding my positive responsibility.

An interesting concept is how responsibility is actually assumed or how it actually transfers.  In my classrooms I conducted an experiment.  I’d place a $20.00 bill folded over a prop at the front of the room and ask a simple question “Who is responsible for the $20.00 bill?”

I’d hear various responses:

  • “You are”
  • “The US Mint”
  • “Whoever paid your salary”
  • “The bank”
  • “The government”
  • “We are”

Then I’d add another $20.00 on top of the first one and ask “Who is responsible for the $40.00 at the front of the room?”

The answers would continue. The frustration in the room would grow.  I’d continue to add $20.00 bills until there were 10 or so, repeating the same question. “Who’s responsible for the cash at the front of the room?”

I’ve done this experiment over 300 times.  The experiences in the rooms are almost identical.  Some students don’t have much enthusiasm in the beginning…. But when more and more cash is added, the enthusiasm (and frustration) rises.  I usually continue until every attendee is engaged.

After there is some frustration built I ask if they’d like to see how it “works”.  There is usually a group “YEAH”.  I then walk over to the cash take it from where it is and put it in my pocket and say “Responsibility only transfers when somebody takes action”….. Then I ask, “Who wants to play the game again?”

There are several reasons the attendees don’t move:

  • They didn’t know the rules  (I never explained how the game was played)
  • They were afraid of failing (I wouldn’t give them the money)
  • They were afraid of consequences (They think it would be stealing to get free money)
  • They submitted to peer pressure/societal norms (Nobody else moved, so they stayed still.)
  • They didn’t have permission (Either implied or express permission)

But some attendees do eventually get up and walk towards getting the money!  The number of people who actually take action is less than 1/2 of 1%.  About 1 out of every 250 attendees.

Here’s the biggest thing I’ve learned from this:

“Responsibility NEVER transfers until someone TAKES ACTION”

If you want more responsibility in an area— start taking action.

Of course, your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay

What Keeps You Up At Night?

Jay Irvin growth, hypnosis, leadership, mindfulness, opinion, oregon , , , , , ,

I am an excellent sleeper.  Some people are good at different things.  I’m good at sleeping.  I was surprised to learn that about 20 – 30% of the US population have problems going to and staying asleep.  As a result about 1 out of 5 Americans sought medical treatment for insomnia.

Insomnia is no small matter.  Medical doctors and other practitioners who study sleeping issues (sleep specialists) treat over 60 million Americans annually.  This epidemic comes at a total cost of over $63.2 billion every year. This figure includes lost productivity, employee turnover, accidents, and opportunity lost as well as the cost of medical treatment.

Physically, to sleep, one must change brain waves from the Beta state (14-30 Hz per second) to Alpha state (7-13 Hz per second) to Theta state (3-7 Hz per second) to Delta state (.5-3 Hz per second).  Brain waves are measured electronically by the patient wearing a skull cap connected to an electroencephalograph (EEG).

EEGEEGMachine

In normal sleeping patients the transition from Beta to Alpha to Theta and Delta comes naturally.  To those with sleep issues there is no normal transition.  Here’s some good news:  There are alternatives to medication and sleep aids. Going to sleep can be improved by practice!  Meditation, yoga, mindfulness and self-hypnosis are all ways to practice and improve changing brain wave states.

Let’s look at the sleep brain wave states and consider some behaviors associated with these brain wave states:

Beta wave state:

  • Walking around
  • Moving
  • Thinking
  • Normal waking state

Alpha wave state:

  • Light relaxation
  • Daydream state
  • Childlike state
  • Focused tasks
  • Visualizations
  • Light hypnosis

Theta wave state:

  • Meditation state
  • Deep hypnosis
  • REM sleep
  • Lucid or waking dreams
  • Light sleep

Delta wave state:

  • Deep sleep
  • Hypnotic “coma”
  • Somnambulist sleep (sleep walking)
  • Physical healing sleep

Aside from the practical side of getting good sleep (feeling better, being more alert, doing a better job, being a better parent/ boss/worker) there are other concerns. Sleep specialist say that a sleep deprived driver is as dangerous as a drunk driver! The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) estimates there are over 100,000 crashes related to sleep deprivation every year.  This caused an estimated 1550 deaths and 71,000 injuries at a price tag of over $12 billion per year (in a recent study).

Better sleep improves relationships with customers, clients, and bosses (or employees).  Better sleep helps us think creatively to solve problems easier.  Creativity keeps us from becoming bored or “stale” on the job.  Better sleep improves memory.  We show more compassion and care more when we are well rested.  Better sleep can even improve your ability to be a better lover!

Here’s an interesting thought– Every night when you lie down for sleep and every morning when you wake up you’re coming through each successive brain wave state to the other.  If you’re sleeping at all, you’re already doing this (unless of course there is a medical condition or significant sleep medications).  Here’s an example you may recognize.  You’ve been trying to remember an old high school teacher’s name… But you can’t.  Then as you’re just about to go to sleep, the name pops into your head!  You’ve relaxed from the Beta brain wave to the Alpha brain wave and you remembered better.  Or you often have “an epiphany” in the shower (as you’re up and getting ready)….  In the shower, sometimes, we are not yet fully awake but are still in the Alpha brain wave state and are “more creative”.  Imagine being able to change brain wave states at will.

You can sleep better.  You can practice to learn to sleep better.  Find a local yoga or mindfulness or meditation instructor and see how your sleep, your productivity, and your creativity can improve.

Of course, your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay

Let it Be Easy

Jay Irvin growth, leadership, opinion, oregon, writing , , , , , ,

easybutton

I’ve been writing pithy vignettes with learning or growth insights for more than 10 years.  I have no idea if they’re valuable to anyone other than me.

The narcissist in me wants to believe it’s all about me, of course.  They ‘way-shower’ part of me thinks it’s about leading others.  The father in me thinks it’s about legacy.  The therapist part of me thinks it therapeutic.  The rigid disciplinarian thinks it’s about the regime and the discipline it takes.

My wife told me “That stuff sure comes easy to you”.   I bristled when she said that. I’ve never felt that way.  Ease wasn’t part of my vernacular when it came to writing.  The Puritan ethos I absorbed as a child placed more value on “hard work” and “working for what you earned”.  Easy was almost a dirty word.  I didn’t value what “comes easy”.

There are things that “come easy” to me.  I can stand in front of a crowded room and speak with almost no effort.  I can visualize building projects without blueprints.  I have a good ear for music and language.  I can easily distinguish Spanish from Portuguese (and I speak neither).  I can create conversation with almost anybody.  Cooking with no recipe is easy for me.  Still, I don’t value that which “comes easy”.

Ten years ago I went to an advanced hypnotherapist training (then located in Santa Fe, NM). I’d never studied existentialism in much detail.  There, at the Academy, I spent six months of 40 hour weeks immersed in new thought, yoga, meditation, humanistic existentialism, clinical practice, and “hypno-thinking”.  It was good for me.

I remembered a meditation/hypno session with one of my instructors.  The theme was “walking through open doors”.  The sub-theme was “let it be easy”.   The lesson was that doors open and we walk through them with little effort.  There are paths in the universe that are open to us and life doesn’t have to be a struggle.  We can reduce strife by going through the open door and allowing life to happen.  Stop worrying about “making it happen” and trust the path you’re on.

Intellectually I understand this thinking.  I know we have no control over that which is external to us and the only control we have in life is our response (or reaction).  My guts, however, do not agree.  My guts revert back to “narrow is the way that leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it” (Matt. 7:13).  As a child I learned that the “easy” path was wrong and the ‘good’ path was hard and strident and challenging.  There seemed to be little ease on the ‘good’ path.  Damn my guts.

Actually there is no discrepancy between the Bible phrase and existentialism.  There are actually few people who “let it be easy” and find the ‘good’ path.  Most people lead with their wounds and fears and scars and disappointments and strife and blah blah blah.  Being on the narrow path that leads to a fuller life is a choice… a choice to “let it be easy”.

Now I know these pithy writings are really lessons to me…. Hopefully you enjoy them too.

And my retort to my wife was “There is no writing… it’s all re-writing. And re-writing is easy”

Of course, your mileage may vary

Dr Jay

Growth is Optional

Jay Irvin growth, leadership, mindfulness, opinion, police, problem solving, psychology , , , ,

In my profession, time on the job is a most valued asset.  A 12 year officer is more valuable than a 6 year officer.

I’m not certain this value serves us as a profession very well.  It’s possible to have ten years experience and it’s possible to have one year experience repeated ten times…. Sometimes it’s hard to know which is which.

One of my team leaders would finish police briefing every day with this catch-phrase:  “Drive fast. Take chances”.  Most sergeants close briefing with “Be careful” “Stay safe”  etc, etc.  But ‘Blanco’ (as he is known) knows the difference between 10 years and 1 year repeated 10 times.

OldCop

Blanco was not supporting reckless or risky behavior.  Instead he was passionate about learning something new everyday.  He was about growth.  Blanco knows that if we don’t challenge ourselves we will not grow. He knew that while growth is optional, the options to growth are not good.

It’s like the apples on the trees in my back yard…. Either they are growing or they are rotting on the vine.  In nature, growth is NOT optional.  It’s either growth or slow death.

When I started working for Blanco, he asked me what my goals as a police officer were.  I told him I wanted to become part of the leadership team: I wanted to make Sergeant within 5 years.   ‘Blanco’s’ advice:  Do what makes you uncomfortable. Take risks.  Try new things.  In short he was telling me to not die on the tree… He told me to continue growing.

So my true goal is growth.  Learn something new everyday.

Of course your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay

It’s All About Perception

Jay Irvin leadership, police , , , ,

Recently a senior supervisor told me I had a ‘jacket’.

I applied for a supplemental position and didn’t get the position.  According to the leaders present at my interview I was “one of, if not the best, interview”.  Yet I was not selected.  A hard pill for me to swallow.  I needed to find out how I could improve and progress forward.  I interviewed all of the people who had input in the non-selection decision.

I found, to my dismay, that I am perceived as “being anti-[my municipality]”. I was astounded.  I am the most ‘pro’ supporter of my organization, my city, and my bosses!  I could hardly believe the information I got.  But I knew the supervisor was sincere.  She told me I was “probably too direct” and the ‘jacket’ I had was that I “questioned authority”.  She said I probably intimidated some supervisors.

It’s not who you are…. It’s who you appear to be that matters.  Perception is more important than reality. It doesn’t really matter how I see myself… It’s how I’m perceived by others.

A senior officer told me I’d get further in my career if I used these words “Sounds great!”  as my feedback mantra.  He said most bosses perceive most anything else as questioning or threatening. I hope this is not true.

The lieutenant’s feedback was critical and I appreciate it.  I will grow from it and can use it as a learning experience. I’m disappointed I didn’t get the position, but I’m in this job for the long haul.

In other words: “Sounds great!”

Of course, your mileage may vary

Dr Jay

How I Got Here From There…. Sorta

Jay Irvin growth, leadership, opinion, oregon, police, psychology , , , , ,

I’m a 55-year-old street cop.

Most guys my age in this job are seasoned police professionals planning for retirement or working senior positions as administrators in specialty functions.   Not me.  I entered the police academy at age 52.  My academy peers had an average age of 27.

I’ll admit to you that police work (particularly patrol) is physically a younger person’s job.  But perhaps youth is wasted on young people.  It’s interesting to show up on a call with peers 20 – 25 years younger than I am.  Yet these peers often have 10-15 years more civilian police experience than I do.  Invariably the citizens we respond to assist assume I’m the senior officer.  And usually I let them think that.

I’ll tell you, there is no substitute for experience.  And it doesn’t really matter if the experience is life experience or work-life experience.  Ya can’t train experience.

What I know and have experienced in my few years as a civilian police officer is that most of the time the “best” solution isn’t a “police” solution.  And that is disappointing for many of the younger people doing my job.  Most of the time police work is simply people work.  Old man’s work.  Boring. Not glamorous.  Not “Cops” from TV. Not CSI.  This is good news for me.

So the question I started to answer, before my ramble is: “How did I get here?”  Well, that answer depends on who you ask….

In 2002 (42 years old) my world started collapsing.  I was diagnosed with advanced stage Type II non-Hodgkin  Lymphoma and cancer in my lymph nodes.  My oncologist said I had about 6 months to live…. If I was lucky.

Until that time in life I’d been a through several “careers”.  I had been a law enforcement specialist in the Air Force (5 years enlisted/5 years officer). I’d owned and operated half a dozen successful restaurants and lounges.  I had a lucrative contract as an adjunct instructor at a university (teaching leadership, management, coaching, communications, and applied psychology).  I was a contract trainer for a professional training company.  I was a mini real-estate guru (I had several houses and one apartment building). I had a couple years of 7-figure income. I was a divorced father with a good daddy-daughter relationship.  I was “set”.

The cancer diagnosis rocked my world.  It changed my world view.  I’ll admit cancer is a cruel mistress. She took my ability to earn, my health, and my material possessions.  I wrote a book about it How to Live Like You Were Dying.

BC (before cancer) I was planning on becoming financially stable through the food and beverage business and real estate.  When I got sick I couldn’t do what I’d been doing.  I realized my mortality was real.  Eventually I went financially bankrupt.

AC (after cancer) I realized that my financial future was elsewhere.  I changed my life.  I used my education and opened a therapy practice.

When the real estate bubble started collapsing (in 2008) everybody’s finances changed.  I mistakenly thought I was employable at my education and age level.  I was wrong.

I had 11 years military leadership experience, 10 years supervision/management experience, 10 years teaching/training experience, and 15 years of creating, owning, and running my own business experience. I have an associate degree in Criminal Justice, a bachelor’s degree in Human Resources, a master’s degree in Organization and Management, and a doctorate (non-accredited) in Human Behavior Psychology.  But I was unemployable.

370 job applications gave me zero job offers.

I cut my resume by two-thirds.  I dropped mention of my advanced degrees.  I got a job offer selling cars.

Wanna know the hardest thing about selling cars?  Admitting to your friends that you sell cars.

Another side note:  There are a lot of corollary relationships between police work and car sales.  Both are people jobs. Both are problem solving jobs. Both are stressful. Both deal with people you’d sometime rather not deal with (in car sales it’s the management–in police work it’s the criminal element). Both are misunderstood by the public and probably neither deserve the stereo-types they have.  But I digress.

After 2 months of car sales I got an entry-level job interview from a large hospital system.  The hiring nurse asked me if I knew what a CNA (certified nursing assistant) did.  I explained that a CNA was a glorified “poop and pee patrol”.  I got the job.

After 3 years of glorified “poop and pee patrol” I had some decisions to make.  I was almost 50 years old.  What would I do when I grew up?

I did analysis of my skills, my experience, my education, my desires, and my goals. I realized I still had the law enforcement mind-set.  I still had the desire to serve the public as a police officer.  I still wanted to be a “good guy”. I want be be a cop.

I started to get myself into physical condition. I applied to every agency with an opening within driving distance.  I got several interviews.  Then I won the lottery.  I got a code enforcement officer job at my current agency.  A code enforcement officer is like “police lite”.  Code work equals: working out of the police department, driving a vehicle with a police emblem, wearing a bullet-proof vest, being dispatched on the police radio, and working on “liveability” issues (without a criminal nexus) with no gun, no arrest authority, and minimal training.

Fourteen months later the (then) Chief took a chance on a 51 year old code guy and promoted me to police officer.  Nineteen weeks of academy, sixteen weeks of field training, and eighteen months of probation later I emerge as “the old guy”.

Just before I entered the academy I chatted with a member of our department who was retiring.  We were both 52.  I asked him “Knowing what you know, would you do it all over again?”  He responded “Yep. Just not at your age.”

Of course, your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay

How to Pick a Winner

Jay Irvin leadership, oregon, police , , , , ,

Today I spent 4 hours of my life watching a step in the selection process  for a top member of the administration where I work.

I’ll start by letting you know I work for a municipality. I’m a police officer.   I’ve been employed there for four years and really  enjoy my job.  Our police chief has been in position for nearly a year and a half and is preparing to hire his deputy.

Today was an interesting study in political theater.

After a nationwide search, there were three final candidates. The candidates were front and center in a “meet the troops” sort of forum.  For one hour each of the candidates were bombarded with prepared questions delivered by various members of the organization.

Detectives, patrol officers, K9 officers, records personnel, Sergeants, and even a Lieutenant presented the questions.  There was an impromptu grilling of each candidate by a seasoned detective known for his effective interview style.  Each candidate told his story, listened, joked, put their best foot forward, and worked to ‘sell’ themselves.

At the close of the three one hour-long sessions the chief asked for feedback.  The Chief wanted to know what we (the employees) thought about the candidates.

How refreshing.  A boss that actually wants the employee input in hiring a critical player in our organization.

There were two themes the candidates bloviated about:

  1. Leadership vs Management
  2. Communications

I thought it was interesting to hear the candidates give varied definitions of leadership vs management and see their varied communication styles.  In a nutshell, the candidates were:

Candidate #1  A rigid, adroit (albeit polished)  former FBI agent with the humor and charisma of a walnut.

Candidate #2 An accomplished disciplinarian and police Commander whose name-dropping was unfortunate because he dropped cringe-inducing names.

Candidate #3 A humble and genuine example that police work doesn’t have to make you cynical. What’s that line about nice guys finishing last?

It didn’t take too much for the attendees to give the Chief feedback.  There were an out-pouring of opinions.  Most of which are encapsulated in my candidate descriptions.

The Chief’s dilemma was a perception issue.  The Candidate Apparent (CA for short) was from his old agency.  The Chief wanted to clear the air about not trying to create a “new _______” (his old city).

The Chief wants to make his decision tonight.  The meeting ended at 5pm. It’s a big choice Chief.  My confidence is high in your ability to do the right thing for the right reason.

Now, I got thinking about all this because I’ve been a student and teacher of leadership, psychology, and social dynamics for many, many years.  (I taught leadership, supervisory skills, applied psychology, and communication for 10+ years at university and I’ve been studying these topics for 40 years.)

I was delighted to be in a room where I believed my opinion mattered in the work-place.  I’m a salty 55 year old patrol officer.  I don’t get delighted about too much.

I was wondering why I felt that sense of delight?  Why did I feel empowered about a decision that will not impact me directly or immediately?  Is this some validation about my beliefs and hopes?

I’m not sure.  I am sure, however, that I am blessed to be in an organization where the perception of my thoughts matter!

Of course, your mileage may vary!

Dr Jay