mindfulness

Lessons I’ve Learned From My Dogs

Jay Irvin courage, dogs, growth, leadership, mindfulness, opinion, oregon, pets, psychology , , , , ,

I’ve been a dog guy all my adult life.  I don’t trust people who don’t like dogs… And I trust dogs when they don’t like people…

Meeka is my black six year old German Shepherd.   When I first saw her, her teats were distended and I found that at 2 years old she’d whelped 3 litters.  It broke my heart.  I asked the two Mexican guys that owned her how much they wanted for her. I bought her on the spot.  I took her to the dog wash on the way home and discovered she’d never been washed or petted.  I had her spayed 3 days later…. That was the best day of her life.  Now four years later, Meeka is all about family and her pack.  She’s happy to be in a family that cares for her.  She’s not interested in being the #1 dog.  She’s just content to “be”. She’s lost 2 dog companions, but she made it through the grief and loves life.

black.german.shepherd.2

Here’s my Meeka Learning Lesson:  Not everybody has a loving family.  Appreciate the family you have. Learn to just “Be”.

Harley is my wife’s dog.  He’s a 14 year old Chow/Shepherd mix.  Harley is blind and old.  He’s the Dog-Father.  Harley likes to growl at what he can’t see (which is almost everything) and barks when any visitor comes to the house. Harley’s bark is definitely worse than his bite.  Underneath his gruff exterior, Harley is a real softy.  He will growl and bark, but he is a real “love bunny”.   He loves to be loved…. But he is real protective.  My wife tells me I’m the only man Harley didn’t growl at when we first met.  I feel special.

Harley
Harley

Harley teaches me this:  It’s OK to be protective and gruff…. But remember to Accept Love..

SWAT Team was a pit bull that lived to be 7 years old.  That’s young.  He was euthanized three summers ago due to a degenerative disease.  SWAT was 70 pounds of pure muscle.  I got him as a rescue dog with “fight cropped” ears and he looked menacing.  But, SWAT loved kids and pooped ice cream.  He didn’t have a mean bone in his body.  SWAT, however was addicted to the “red dot”.  He would chase it until he dropped.  I’d run the “dot” under a chair and he’d wait hours for it to come out.  SWAT was always in a great mood and was a 100% optimist.  He chased the red dot for years and never caught it…. Yet I could say “red dot” and he would start looking for it and get energized.  He was always optimistic that he could catch it.

SWAT the night before he passed away.
SWAT the night before he passed away.

SWAT’s taught me that I should always enjoy life.  He taught me it doesn’t matter if you win or lose… Play the Game and Be Optimistic.

Zoe is my step-daughter’s shih-tzu/yorkie mix.  Zoe is 7 years old going on 7 months.  She is very youthful and puppy-ish. She tolerates the “big” dogs, but knows she rules the roost.  She consistently steals Harley’s treats and chewys.  Harley takes it all in stride.  Zoe weighs about 5-6 pounds, but thinks she’s as big as 70 pound Meeka and 60 pound Harley.  She’s an instigator and manipulator.  She goes for what she wants and doesn’t let her size be a limitation.

Zoe
Zoe

Zoe’s lesson for me is don’t let others put limits on you because of what they see.  Be your true self.  Be bigger/more/better than what others see on the surface. Don’t live under their limitations.

Hunter was a black and tan traditional German Shepherd I got because he was too aggressive for the owner.  Hunter never even snarled at me.  The family I rescued him from was amazed at the immediate bond we had.  Hunter was a protector.  I’ve had more than a dozen Shepherds over the years and he was clearly the most over-aggressive domestic dog I’ve seen.  Not to me or the family… But to anybody else he was a real “land shark”.  I hired a dog trainer. I consulted a behaviorist. I talked to my K9 handlers from work.  Nothing seemed to work to calm Hunter down.

After 4 months I noticed Hunter was not pooping right.  We went to the vet.  As it turns out Hunter had a disease and he could not process protein. He was literally starving.  He could eat and the protein would not absorb.  He was dying.  The vet seemed to think that this disease may have had something to do with his aggression. A hungry dog can be a mean dog.

There is no cure for his disease.  Hunter had to be euthanized.  I cried like a baby.  I’m welling up in tears as I write now and it’s been almost 2 years.

shepherd

What I learned from Hunter goes deeper.  Even love can’t cure some things.  Sometimes when things are not fixable you must let them go.  It’s hard to admit, but sometimes death is a more kind option than life.  It would have been more cruel to keep him alive and watch him starve to death.  Know when to let go.

As I read this I realize it seems anthropomorphic…..I’m projecting human emotions to animals…. And maybe I am.  But maybe I’m just letting the universe teach me some lessons I need to know.  I just hope I can remember to be as smart as my dogs and:

  1. Appreciate my family
  2. Learn to “Be”
  3. Accept Love
  4. Play the Game
  5. Be Optimistic
  6. Be your True Self
  7. Be more than just what others see in you
  8. Love can’t cure all
  9. Know when to let go

And of course, Your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay

Who is Your Hero?

Jay Irvin bravery, courage, growth, hero worship, leadership, mindfulness, opinion, oregon, police, psychology , , , , , , , , ,

“A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

As a culture we’ve confused celebrity with heroism. We’ve confused fame with nobility. I am saddened by this thinking.

Being considered a hero used to mean you had to have accomplished something that was significant or contributed to society.  You walked on the moon (Neil Armstrong) or led civil rights (Dr King) or averted a nuclear war (Cuban Missile Crisis, President Kennedy) or explored and developed new areas (Daniel Boone) or led an expedition (Lewis & Clark) or conquered the highest mountain (Edmund Hillary) or did something.

Today, most of the celebrity “heroes” are music moguls or athletic stars: They are entertainment figures. I believe music and sports have a place in culture and there are notables in both fields.  Some notables are iconic…. But not heroes. They are famous… But not heroes.  They have celebrity, but are not heroes.

I guess it all comes down to your definition of “hero” or “heroine”.   The generally recognized definitions of hero are: :

  • a mythological or legendary figure
  • one admired for great courage or noble qualities
  • an object of extreme admiration and devotion

The word “hero” comes from Greek “heros” meaning demi-god.  A demi-god is one who isn’t quite a god yet, but has more power than a mere mortal.  To be clear, I’m using the term “hero” which is the masculine form.  “Heroine” implies the same, but in feminine form.  “Heroine” was first used in c.1650.

Webster’s first definition seems to fit the form of demi-god.  Persons held in mythological stature (sometimes fables) from embellished stories passed through generations (Paul Bunyan, Johnny Appleseed, Robin Hood). Or “super-hero” fantasy characters (Superman, Bat-man, etc.)

For me, the second definition is the one that resonates.  Those people who demonstrate courage or bravery and maintain noble qualities (9/11 responders, combat veterans, those working to help less fortunate: nurses, firefighters, police officers).  These are the people that very seldom become famous but continue to do a difficult thankless job in spite of the lack of rewards.

A real hero is a mom who continues to “do the right thing” even when the no-good dad is nowhere to be found.  A real hero is the teacher’s aide who gives a hungry child a snack from her personal lunch stash.  A real hero is the anonymous citizen who shepherds a lost child until the child is safe.  A real hero is the Average Joe giving CPR until medics show up.  A real hero doesn’t have anything to do with popularity or celebrity.  Most heroes are the unsung ones.

I met a couple of real heroes yesterday.  I had the honor of helping at a fund-raiser for Special Olympics.  There I met a  married couple who happened to be corrections Captains. They have been volunteering for this charity for nearly two decades. Yesterday they spent a 12 hour unpaid Saturday helping make dreams come true for the less fortunate.  They are real heroes, yet there were no TV cameras or media blitz.  They did it because of their noble ideals.

The last definition of heroism is probably the most popular and disappointing (to me).  Idol-worship.  Fame based heroism.  I threw up a little in my mouth when I typed that.  Some celebrities rebel against this archetype– (“I am not a role model”- Charles Barkley).  However most celebrities revel in the hyperbole and believe the hero worship.

I don’t think I’ve ever understood our national fascination with celebrity.  I can’t identify the Kardashians out of a police line up. I think this has to do with my upbringing.  I grew up without television.  My mom was a religious nut and thought TV was evil.  She was serious about it.  My sister and I were not allowed to watch TV at friend’s houses and we were trained to turn away from televisions when we saw them on display in a department store.  Weird, huh?

There were some good side effects from growing up without TV.  I became a prolific reader.  I learned to listen and talk with anybody. I never idolized sports figures nor TV celebrities. The people I held in esteem as heroes were ones I met through our social circles (Lester Roloff, Fred Sink, Joe Hege) or ones I read about (Charles Lindbergh, Amelia Earhardt, Harry Truman, Apostle Paul, Lincoln, Gandhi, Da Vinci, Shakespeare, Newton, Helen Keller, and the list goes on).

But this isn’t about me.  This is about how we as leaders can effect positive change in our circles of influence. How can we create a shift away from idol worship to true heroism?  Here are some ideas:

  • Set the example. Know your own heroes.  Make your ‘walk’ congruent with your ‘talk’
  • Look for unsung heroes and acknowledge/reward them. What gets rewarded get repeated.
  • Teach values other than becoming famous or popular.  Realize social media “likes” or being popular aren’t good indicators of character or nobility.
  • Know good character is a developed trait. More practice makes better character.  Build yours and theirs.
  • Recognize every real-world hero is human and fallible– They make mistakes AND may still be heroic.  Just because you make mistakes doesn’t necessarily make your actions less heroic. (Think heroic effort)
  • Understand “anti-heroes” and learn why we like them (Bonnie & Clyde, Sopranos, Blackbeard)

Psychologically we need heroes. They give us inspiration and help us aspire to our “higher selves”. And we will find heroes… Consciously or not.  It’s better to make your heroes ones you choose, not ones the media or your boss or your social circle chooses for you.  You are in charge of your own narrative. You can live the life you’ve imagined!

Of course, your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay

I’m Not in Charge

Jay Irvin growth, mindfulness, opinion, oregon, psychology , , , , ,

Jack Canfield was the guy who made Albert Ellis easy to understand for me.

Jack is the Harvard educated author, motivational speaker, and seminar leader who co-created the Chicken Soup for the Soul series of books.  Jack started as a high school teacher and co-authored a book for high school teachers on ways to develop self-esteem in students. He successfully marketed his book in the National Enquirer and created his first fortune by sheer will-power.

I met Jack Canfield in 1993 when I was contracting for a major training company.  Jack was hired as the “big gun” speaker for our annual conference.  It was a joy to meet him.  Jack taught a very simple equation for success and happiness—

E  +   R    =   O

Event plus Response equals Outcome.

Event– Things in life we have no control over (bosses, weather, kids, customers, everything external to us)

Outcome– What happens in life. (Results, your life, the end, success or failure)

Response– The only thing in life over which we have control.

Jack’s bottom line is this:

If you want better results (outcomes) create better responses, because you can’t change events. (You’re not in control of ANYTHING except your response… get used to it)

Albert Ellis was a Columbia University PhD in clinical psychology.  Albert Ellis’ REBT is probably the most influential psychological concept present in the therapy community today. In a poll of psychologist and therapists Ellis was ranked as #2 All Time Most Influential Psychologist right behind #1 Carl Rogers and ahead of #3 Sigmund Freud.

Ellis died in 2007 and published over 60 books.  Most of his works were written for PhD students and practicing clinicians.  He attempted to make his theories easy to understand. That didn’t work.  He developed the ABC of REBT (rational emotive behavior therapy).

To understand ABC of REBT you need a PhD or JD or LLD or Lucky Charms decoder ring or a really patient professor.

A = Activating Event (things that happen)

B = Belief System (hidden from view)

C = Consequence  (results in life)

Ellis said we often make decisions about things in an irrational thinking style and don’t get the consequences we want because of mistaken beliefs (that we don’t know or can hardly understand).  I’m paraphrasing, of course.

In short:

You’re not in control of anything except your belief system, which you don’t understand. 

Both scholars are essentially saying the same thing:

There is very little we control in life. Control over external things is an illusion.

I bring this up because this weekend I forgot what I know.  I forgot to “Let it Be Easy”.  I still think I can control the world.  I can’t.  I’m not in charge.  I’m only in charge of my response and belief system.  That’s it.  Nothing else.

I’m not advocating an abdication of responsibility… I don’t believe some sort of hyper-Calvinism that says all the world is predetermined and predestined and “whatever will be will be”. I’m suggesting that I must recognize what I do have control over and manage that effectively.  When I get control of my responses and what I believe, I’ll have reached more success than I can imagine!

I guess my mistakes keep me grounded in my humanity and work to keep me humble…. Learn. Grow. Teach…. Where have I heard that before?

Of course, your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay

Why You Matter

Jay Irvin growth, hypnosis, leadership, mindfulness, opinion, oregon, police, shootings , , , , , , ,

YouMatter

I’ve been noodling on the recent mass shootings. Like most people I’ve been trying to concoct some solutions to these horrors.  Like most people who’ve done this, I feel like I’ve  been banging my head on the wall.  As I’ve said before, I don’t have the answer…. But maybe I have a partial solution…. Maybe

Most of the recent shooters are male, disenfranchised, marginalized, and emotionally unstable.  You know that guy.  The one everybody avoids because he’s “weird”.  The one that has a hard time engaging in conversation and connecting with others.  Now I’m not saying all misfit loners are going to get a semi-automatic and start creating chaos…. Not by a long shot…. But….

I used to know that guy in school.  He was David.  David was the guy who was quiet in class… Drawing coffins and skulls and vampires in his notebook.  David always had a “weird” sense of humor.  He focused on the macabre and other-world stuff.  David was a bit of a geek.  David is the guy some suspected police would find murdered children under the floorboards of his kitchen when he was grown.  David didn’t have friends and was a loner. Other kids talked about him in ‘hushed tones’.  Kids can be cruel. Teachers can be even meaner. They weren’t so ‘hushed toned’ when it came to criticism of him.

David was a pudgy, wire-haired kid who was in-the-closet gay.  This was the early 1970’s and it was also the south.  Gay wasn’t accepted, much less celebrated.  If I remember correctly David presented as more confused sexually than gay.  He was supposed to like girls, but that never clicked for him.  But he couldn’t like boys either, that was forbidden.  It was something we never discussed.

These were the days before Dungeons and Dragons,  LARP, or Star Wars. There was no cable TV, no Sci-Fi channel and of course, no internet.  We only had black rotary phones and 3 television stations.

If he was in school today he’d probably lean toward the “goth” or “zombie” kids. And he might have been too shy to associate with them.

David was also my cousin.  We were related and I was expected to associate with him in school.  I wasn’t a popular kid either.  I was 6’0″, skinny, gangly, be-speckled, a bit of an egg-head/nerd, and socially inept.  But David was family and I had an obligation (based on my parents expectations) to befriend David. So I did.

In the beginning I had lunch with David about every other day.  After a few weeks a couple more boys joined the table and we had lunch everyday together.  There at the table were four misfits talking about what adolescent boys talk about.  For us it was tractors and motorcycles and NASCAR and trying to make some money from part-time jobs and laughing about ole Mrs Hackney sleeping in class and fart jokes.  David, Randy, Eddie, and I;  Unlikely associates at best… Definitely not a cool kids club.

David grew up and became a mortician. He was more comfortable around those who did not judge or make fun of him.  Later, he was a respected funeral director and eventually came out of the closet.  He had a loving partner for 20+ years and died an untimely death at 50 due to a heart attack.  There were no dead children under his kitchen floorboards.

Randy’s dreams of being a great FFA agriculturalist crumbled and he eventually became a supervisor in an industrial plant. He married (against all odds) and raised a family.  He has 4 grand-kids now and hopes to retire at 68.  He owns his house, his truck, his garden, and a boat.  Only 13 more years to retire and enjoy it all.

Eddie wanted to be a famous motocross rider and loved American motorcycles.  When he was 13 he scored an Indian trail bike.  Eddie died on his Harley in a motorcycle crash at age 24.

I became what and who I am.

None of us fulfilled the negative expectations of our parents or teachers or peers.  All of us turned out OK.  Why? Maybe because we had people we connected with.  Even if it was an unlikely connection, originally forced by my parents. Maybe because we knew we were all different and didn’t fit in (kinda like all teens), but found a place to fit.

And maybe this is a partial solution to the present-day shooter situation. Maybe, if we engage one loner;  if they feel the connection we offer; maybe we can prevent one casualty.  Maybe.

Maybe they are weird and maybe they rebuff our attempt at human connection.  But what could be the pay off?  Is it possible we could prevent/abort/stop a mass shooting before it occurs?  Maybe, just maybe.   Like I said, It’s a long shot.

It’s time we get from behind our smartphones and tablets and ‘business’ and connect with another human.  Go out of your way to connect with a live human.  It will not be comfortable at first…. And parents, it’s time we teach our children to engage with others; And not just on social media… Teach them to connect even to the different kids…. You know, the marginalized ones.

Know, as you connect with these people, you’re planting seeds of kindness that may grow to something more valuable.  It doesn’t take an education. It doesn’t take money.  It doesn’t take a great sacrifice on your part.  What it does take is a small decision to help change things where and when you can.  And if you detect some threat, call for help.  The more we connect and know, the better we become as a society.

All I’m saying is you can make a difference.  And that’s why You matter!

And as always:  Of course, your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay

All Hail the Gatekeeper

Jay Irvin growth, leadership, mindfulness, opinion, police , , , , , ,

Gatekeepers are vital as standard bearers.  Good ones keep the standards high and insure consistent realization of organizational goals.  Bad gatekeepers can be an organization’s worst nightmare. I hope you don’t know any.

Good gatekeepers are as vital as good leadership.  Leaders base their decisions and vision on the information and resources at hand. Gatekeepers often provide that information and those resources. Gatekeepers are in positions of trust and sometimes leaders delegate decisions to gatekeepers to keep an organization running smoothly.  Intentionally or not, gatekeepers filter or color the information and resources that are available to the decision makers. Gatekeeping is a powerful position.

Was it the New Testament that said “With great power comes great responsibility”?  No, wait, that was Cliff Robinson as Uncle Ben in Spider-Man.

A couple of years ago we lost the chief of our organization because of “bad gatekeeping”.  I don’t think anybody else used that phrase, but this is what happened.  The boss wouldn’t allow any information to go to his boss unless it went through him.  He was a bad gatekeeper to the city manager (his boss). Our ex-chief set the example for bad gatekeeping to his supervisors and leadership team. He tolerated, encouraged, and rewarded the tenets of bad gatekeeping.

Eventually the city manager saw the damage the chief was doing to the organization.  The city manager fired him (again, they used a different term).

The chief’s bad gatekeeping practice destroyed morale, stifled creativity, caused conflict, created turnover, prevented forward growth, stopped communication, caused lawsuits, created a culture of distrust, and created a culture of “yes-men”. Our organization didn’t crumble, but it was close.  It’s been almost 3 years since that departure and the organization is not yet healed.

Bad gatekeeping  tenets are displayed in many ways:

  • Hiring form over function
  • Value style over substance
  • Keeping a “cool kids club” alive
  • Not allowing dissenting ideas
  • Discouraging “out of the box” collaboration
  • Using “know you/like you” as a main criteria for advancement
  • Refusing to allow/appreciate criticism
  • Never (rarely) admits making errors or mistakes (doesn’t tolerate those who do)
  • Have only ONE way to get results
  • Making all (important) decisions go through them
  • Can’t or won’t delegate anything but the most trivial items
  • Holding grudges or personal agendas
  • Develop personal insecurities
  • Find quick fixes without addressing the real issues

Many of the negative stereotypes of bad bosses can be encapsulated as “bad gatekeeping”.  Bad gatekeepers learn from their bosses.  If they violate the tenets of doing what the boss wants, there is “hell to pay”.  One of the lessons that sent a chill through our organization was the demotion of a Commander to Lieutenant because the demoted party violated several “bad gatekeeping” tenets of the now-fired Chief.  The Commander didn’t do “wrong” but the message was clear to the rest of the organization:  “Be a ‘yes man’, never offer anything that could be construed as criticism, don’t disagree, or suffer consequences”.

Good gatekeepers are almost the opposite.  They:

  • Welcome/allow/encourage criticism and negative feedback
  • Delegate and hold themselves and others accountable
  • Know they are fallible
  • Admits/allows mistakes– use mistakes as a learning platform
  • Know that questions build strength
  • Hire/promote substance with style
  • Promote relationships and transparency
  • Allow “team” think
  • Very secure in who they are and what they do
  • Seek long term solutions

An encouraging turn of events is that this Lieutenant was bruised, but not destroyed because of the horrible demotion.  The Lieutenant stayed true to “good gatekeeping” principles and continues making a positive difference.

This isn’t a diatribe about a specific bad gatekeeper I have encountered or observed.  Personally I like the ex-chief– (He hired me; he took a chance on an old guy)…  But I do wish those entrusted with leading and gatekeeping had values similar to good gatekeeping.  I wish I didn’t see it as a system problem and could just “blame” one individual.  I can’t.

My hope is these “bad gatekeepers” think they are “just doing the right thing”…  I hope they think that….. Otherwise their decisions would make them a force for evil, not just making misguided decisions.  It has to be misguided… Anything else would break my heart.

Of course, your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay

Truth, Lies, and Other Ambiguous Topics

Jay Irvin growth, leadership, mindfulness, opinion, oregon, police , , , , , ,

None of us could live with a habitual truth teller; but, thank goodness, none of us has to.            —–Mark Twain

Time Magazine ran an interesting article a few years ago that confirmed liars lie.   University of Amsterdam researchers used grant money to come to that conclusion.   I’m guessing it doesn’t take advanced degrees to figure out admitted liars lie, but now it’s certified and the article is listed as a professorial publishing for some doctoral candidate…. So maybe there was some benefit to the research.

We expect to meet some liars — Politicians, car sales professionals, a late night ‘pick-up’ artist, kids with their hand in the cookie jar, drunk drivers admitting to having “two” beers, and the list goes on….

Famous defense attorney Gerry Spence said he never lost in court because he always told the truth and never lied.  When I read that I wondered how he defined “truth”.   On the street I know the “truth” is elusive.  I hear the victim. I hear witnesses. I hear the suspect. I look at the evidence. The stories NEVER match and the evidence is usually sparse.  But I must find “truth”.

As a police officer there is an expectation that I do not lie while conducting official business.  If a police officer is involved in an integrity investigation and it is determined that the officer lied, that officer will eventually lose certification and not be allowed to work in law enforcement.  If a police officer lies in court, that officer becomes a “Brady officer” and cannot testify in court again without the previous lies becoming a matter of record.

Lying comes in many forms:

  • A false statement presented as true (I didn’t eat your cake)
  • An attempt to deceive or give false impression (I’m sorry you didn’t get promoted)
  • An attempt to not hurt feelings (That hair cut looks good on you)
  • Omitting an important or salient fact  (Seems good to me… Omitting that you haven’t really examined it)
  • Broken promises (Sure I’ll be there… with no intention)
  • Exaggeration (I bench 350 pounds)
  • Plagiarism (Pretending something is your original work, and it’s not)
  • Rationalism (Simply stated: Rational lies)

The truth is that humans lie, even when we intend to tell the truth.  Part of our lying is based on bias.  When we have a perception that what we are saying is ‘the gospel’ then it is…. From our point of view.  If you believe Tea Party dogma and espouse their ideals you may not think you’re lying, but there is a bias present.  If you think the Koch brothers are altruistic you may have a skewed perception. If we “preach” the liberal party line we may miss the “truth”.   Failing to acknowledge our bias may make us inadvertent liars.

And we participate in systemic lies.  I wear deodorant because I don’t want you to know the truth about me.  Without deodorant I may have body odor.  Hair coloring, false nails, false eyelashes, creative make-up, and push-up bras are all systemic lies.  Generally we appreciate the results systemic lies give us (we rationalize), but still they are attempts to hide the “truth”.  Or is a well made up, beautifully coiffed, enchantingly dressed woman really the “truth”?  Depends on your perception or bias.

When we lie, we lie for a reason. Sometimes the reason is conscious and sometimes it’s unconscious.

  • We lie to avoid negative consequences. (I did not leave the door open)
  • We lie to “fit in”. (Oh, I like hip-hop too)
  • We lie to be social (Yeah, it’s a great party)
  • We lie to be liked (Great chili!)
  • We lie to get better results (All I need is your support boss)
  • We lie to grab power or autonomy (Power as adults, autonomy as children)
  • We lie because of self delusion (I never lose at Scrabble)
  • We lie to help others (I saw him wearing his seat belt)
  • We lie to build low self-esteem (I have two purple hearts and a medal for bravery)
  • And the list goes on….

Psychiatrist Dr. Charles Ford wrote “Lies Lies Lies; The Psychology of Deceit” and goes into well researched data why we are such liars. The truth is that humans in groups have a baseline tolerance for lies based on specific societal norms. Our friends, jobs, associates, and peers tell us which are acceptable lies and which are not.  And normally we conform to these norms.  Normally……

Of course, your mileage may vary!

Dr Jay

What Keeps You Up At Night?

Jay Irvin growth, hypnosis, leadership, mindfulness, opinion, oregon , , , , , ,

I am an excellent sleeper.  Some people are good at different things.  I’m good at sleeping.  I was surprised to learn that about 20 – 30% of the US population have problems going to and staying asleep.  As a result about 1 out of 5 Americans sought medical treatment for insomnia.

Insomnia is no small matter.  Medical doctors and other practitioners who study sleeping issues (sleep specialists) treat over 60 million Americans annually.  This epidemic comes at a total cost of over $63.2 billion every year. This figure includes lost productivity, employee turnover, accidents, and opportunity lost as well as the cost of medical treatment.

Physically, to sleep, one must change brain waves from the Beta state (14-30 Hz per second) to Alpha state (7-13 Hz per second) to Theta state (3-7 Hz per second) to Delta state (.5-3 Hz per second).  Brain waves are measured electronically by the patient wearing a skull cap connected to an electroencephalograph (EEG).

EEGEEGMachine

In normal sleeping patients the transition from Beta to Alpha to Theta and Delta comes naturally.  To those with sleep issues there is no normal transition.  Here’s some good news:  There are alternatives to medication and sleep aids. Going to sleep can be improved by practice!  Meditation, yoga, mindfulness and self-hypnosis are all ways to practice and improve changing brain wave states.

Let’s look at the sleep brain wave states and consider some behaviors associated with these brain wave states:

Beta wave state:

  • Walking around
  • Moving
  • Thinking
  • Normal waking state

Alpha wave state:

  • Light relaxation
  • Daydream state
  • Childlike state
  • Focused tasks
  • Visualizations
  • Light hypnosis

Theta wave state:

  • Meditation state
  • Deep hypnosis
  • REM sleep
  • Lucid or waking dreams
  • Light sleep

Delta wave state:

  • Deep sleep
  • Hypnotic “coma”
  • Somnambulist sleep (sleep walking)
  • Physical healing sleep

Aside from the practical side of getting good sleep (feeling better, being more alert, doing a better job, being a better parent/ boss/worker) there are other concerns. Sleep specialist say that a sleep deprived driver is as dangerous as a drunk driver! The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) estimates there are over 100,000 crashes related to sleep deprivation every year.  This caused an estimated 1550 deaths and 71,000 injuries at a price tag of over $12 billion per year (in a recent study).

Better sleep improves relationships with customers, clients, and bosses (or employees).  Better sleep helps us think creatively to solve problems easier.  Creativity keeps us from becoming bored or “stale” on the job.  Better sleep improves memory.  We show more compassion and care more when we are well rested.  Better sleep can even improve your ability to be a better lover!

Here’s an interesting thought– Every night when you lie down for sleep and every morning when you wake up you’re coming through each successive brain wave state to the other.  If you’re sleeping at all, you’re already doing this (unless of course there is a medical condition or significant sleep medications).  Here’s an example you may recognize.  You’ve been trying to remember an old high school teacher’s name… But you can’t.  Then as you’re just about to go to sleep, the name pops into your head!  You’ve relaxed from the Beta brain wave to the Alpha brain wave and you remembered better.  Or you often have “an epiphany” in the shower (as you’re up and getting ready)….  In the shower, sometimes, we are not yet fully awake but are still in the Alpha brain wave state and are “more creative”.  Imagine being able to change brain wave states at will.

You can sleep better.  You can practice to learn to sleep better.  Find a local yoga or mindfulness or meditation instructor and see how your sleep, your productivity, and your creativity can improve.

Of course, your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay

Growth is Optional

Jay Irvin growth, leadership, mindfulness, opinion, police, problem solving, psychology , , , ,

In my profession, time on the job is a most valued asset.  A 12 year officer is more valuable than a 6 year officer.

I’m not certain this value serves us as a profession very well.  It’s possible to have ten years experience and it’s possible to have one year experience repeated ten times…. Sometimes it’s hard to know which is which.

One of my team leaders would finish police briefing every day with this catch-phrase:  “Drive fast. Take chances”.  Most sergeants close briefing with “Be careful” “Stay safe”  etc, etc.  But ‘Blanco’ (as he is known) knows the difference between 10 years and 1 year repeated 10 times.

OldCop

Blanco was not supporting reckless or risky behavior.  Instead he was passionate about learning something new everyday.  He was about growth.  Blanco knows that if we don’t challenge ourselves we will not grow. He knew that while growth is optional, the options to growth are not good.

It’s like the apples on the trees in my back yard…. Either they are growing or they are rotting on the vine.  In nature, growth is NOT optional.  It’s either growth or slow death.

When I started working for Blanco, he asked me what my goals as a police officer were.  I told him I wanted to become part of the leadership team: I wanted to make Sergeant within 5 years.   ‘Blanco’s’ advice:  Do what makes you uncomfortable. Take risks.  Try new things.  In short he was telling me to not die on the tree… He told me to continue growing.

So my true goal is growth.  Learn something new everyday.

Of course your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay