leadership

It’s Not My Fault!

Jay Irvin growth, leadership, oregon, police , , , , ,

If I earned a nickel every time I heard somebody dodge responsibility, I’ve have a nice chunk of change.

In my previous life I was a therapist.  One of the reasons I stopped being a therapist was so many clients needed help yet never benefited from therapy because they refused to take personal responsibility. It was usually someone else’s fault (mother, father, boss, genetics etc.)  One of the mandatory prerequisites for mental health is personal responsibility. Assume responsibility for your life now and for your response to the “cards you’ve been dealt”.

A weight-loss client called me the day after his first session and said :

“That stuff doesn’t work.  I went home and ate a carton of ice cream. If you were any good as a therapist, I wouldn’t have been able to do that.  I want my money back”

I was flabbergasted…. And I sent him a refund. Amazingly, he called and tried to make another appointment, but I declined.

And there is no shortage of denying personal responsibility in my current job as a police officer either.

The first time I heard “These aren’t my pants” from an arrestee (after finding narcotics in his pants pocket), I laughed out loud. I thought that this denial of responsibility was police lore, but since then I’ve heard it at least a dozen times.  I stopped a guy for driving and gabbing on his cell phone.  His response “But they called me”.  An engineer said his job kept him too busy to renew his vehicle registration… “It’s not my fault… It’s my boss” he plead.

A buddy from another city called me to ask how to get out of a photo-ticket.  I encouraged him to just take responsibility for it (if it was him) and pay the ticket.  My neighbor wanted to know the secret to “talking your way out of a speeding ticket”… I told her “Don’t speed”.  A former neighbor texted me after being arrested for shoplifting…. I texted back “take your lumps”.

It seems to be human nature to minimize our culpability in situations when there are consequences.  We are in a “denying responsibility” culture.  Charles Sykes encapsulated it in his title “A Nation of Victims”.

Responsibility is like a coin.  There are two sides.  There is the positive side– Responsibility (taking credit, standing up for your actions, duty); And the negative side– Fault (blame, liability, impeachment, indictment).  But like all things, responsibility is neither all bad nor all good.  There are grey areas.

For me, I like to focus on expanding my positive responsibility.

An interesting concept is how responsibility is actually assumed or how it actually transfers.  In my classrooms I conducted an experiment.  I’d place a $20.00 bill folded over a prop at the front of the room and ask a simple question “Who is responsible for the $20.00 bill?”

I’d hear various responses:

  • “You are”
  • “The US Mint”
  • “Whoever paid your salary”
  • “The bank”
  • “The government”
  • “We are”

Then I’d add another $20.00 on top of the first one and ask “Who is responsible for the $40.00 at the front of the room?”

The answers would continue. The frustration in the room would grow.  I’d continue to add $20.00 bills until there were 10 or so, repeating the same question. “Who’s responsible for the cash at the front of the room?”

I’ve done this experiment over 300 times.  The experiences in the rooms are almost identical.  Some students don’t have much enthusiasm in the beginning…. But when more and more cash is added, the enthusiasm (and frustration) rises.  I usually continue until every attendee is engaged.

After there is some frustration built I ask if they’d like to see how it “works”.  There is usually a group “YEAH”.  I then walk over to the cash take it from where it is and put it in my pocket and say “Responsibility only transfers when somebody takes action”….. Then I ask, “Who wants to play the game again?”

There are several reasons the attendees don’t move:

  • They didn’t know the rules  (I never explained how the game was played)
  • They were afraid of failing (I wouldn’t give them the money)
  • They were afraid of consequences (They think it would be stealing to get free money)
  • They submitted to peer pressure/societal norms (Nobody else moved, so they stayed still.)
  • They didn’t have permission (Either implied or express permission)

But some attendees do eventually get up and walk towards getting the money!  The number of people who actually take action is less than 1/2 of 1%.  About 1 out of every 250 attendees.

Here’s the biggest thing I’ve learned from this:

“Responsibility NEVER transfers until someone TAKES ACTION”

If you want more responsibility in an area— start taking action.

Of course, your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay

What Keeps You Up At Night?

Jay Irvin growth, hypnosis, leadership, mindfulness, opinion, oregon , , , , , ,

I am an excellent sleeper.  Some people are good at different things.  I’m good at sleeping.  I was surprised to learn that about 20 – 30% of the US population have problems going to and staying asleep.  As a result about 1 out of 5 Americans sought medical treatment for insomnia.

Insomnia is no small matter.  Medical doctors and other practitioners who study sleeping issues (sleep specialists) treat over 60 million Americans annually.  This epidemic comes at a total cost of over $63.2 billion every year. This figure includes lost productivity, employee turnover, accidents, and opportunity lost as well as the cost of medical treatment.

Physically, to sleep, one must change brain waves from the Beta state (14-30 Hz per second) to Alpha state (7-13 Hz per second) to Theta state (3-7 Hz per second) to Delta state (.5-3 Hz per second).  Brain waves are measured electronically by the patient wearing a skull cap connected to an electroencephalograph (EEG).

EEGEEGMachine

In normal sleeping patients the transition from Beta to Alpha to Theta and Delta comes naturally.  To those with sleep issues there is no normal transition.  Here’s some good news:  There are alternatives to medication and sleep aids. Going to sleep can be improved by practice!  Meditation, yoga, mindfulness and self-hypnosis are all ways to practice and improve changing brain wave states.

Let’s look at the sleep brain wave states and consider some behaviors associated with these brain wave states:

Beta wave state:

  • Walking around
  • Moving
  • Thinking
  • Normal waking state

Alpha wave state:

  • Light relaxation
  • Daydream state
  • Childlike state
  • Focused tasks
  • Visualizations
  • Light hypnosis

Theta wave state:

  • Meditation state
  • Deep hypnosis
  • REM sleep
  • Lucid or waking dreams
  • Light sleep

Delta wave state:

  • Deep sleep
  • Hypnotic “coma”
  • Somnambulist sleep (sleep walking)
  • Physical healing sleep

Aside from the practical side of getting good sleep (feeling better, being more alert, doing a better job, being a better parent/ boss/worker) there are other concerns. Sleep specialist say that a sleep deprived driver is as dangerous as a drunk driver! The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) estimates there are over 100,000 crashes related to sleep deprivation every year.  This caused an estimated 1550 deaths and 71,000 injuries at a price tag of over $12 billion per year (in a recent study).

Better sleep improves relationships with customers, clients, and bosses (or employees).  Better sleep helps us think creatively to solve problems easier.  Creativity keeps us from becoming bored or “stale” on the job.  Better sleep improves memory.  We show more compassion and care more when we are well rested.  Better sleep can even improve your ability to be a better lover!

Here’s an interesting thought– Every night when you lie down for sleep and every morning when you wake up you’re coming through each successive brain wave state to the other.  If you’re sleeping at all, you’re already doing this (unless of course there is a medical condition or significant sleep medications).  Here’s an example you may recognize.  You’ve been trying to remember an old high school teacher’s name… But you can’t.  Then as you’re just about to go to sleep, the name pops into your head!  You’ve relaxed from the Beta brain wave to the Alpha brain wave and you remembered better.  Or you often have “an epiphany” in the shower (as you’re up and getting ready)….  In the shower, sometimes, we are not yet fully awake but are still in the Alpha brain wave state and are “more creative”.  Imagine being able to change brain wave states at will.

You can sleep better.  You can practice to learn to sleep better.  Find a local yoga or mindfulness or meditation instructor and see how your sleep, your productivity, and your creativity can improve.

Of course, your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay

Let it Be Easy

Jay Irvin growth, leadership, opinion, oregon, writing , , , , , ,

easybutton

I’ve been writing pithy vignettes with learning or growth insights for more than 10 years.  I have no idea if they’re valuable to anyone other than me.

The narcissist in me wants to believe it’s all about me, of course.  They ‘way-shower’ part of me thinks it’s about leading others.  The father in me thinks it’s about legacy.  The therapist part of me thinks it therapeutic.  The rigid disciplinarian thinks it’s about the regime and the discipline it takes.

My wife told me “That stuff sure comes easy to you”.   I bristled when she said that. I’ve never felt that way.  Ease wasn’t part of my vernacular when it came to writing.  The Puritan ethos I absorbed as a child placed more value on “hard work” and “working for what you earned”.  Easy was almost a dirty word.  I didn’t value what “comes easy”.

There are things that “come easy” to me.  I can stand in front of a crowded room and speak with almost no effort.  I can visualize building projects without blueprints.  I have a good ear for music and language.  I can easily distinguish Spanish from Portuguese (and I speak neither).  I can create conversation with almost anybody.  Cooking with no recipe is easy for me.  Still, I don’t value that which “comes easy”.

Ten years ago I went to an advanced hypnotherapist training (then located in Santa Fe, NM). I’d never studied existentialism in much detail.  There, at the Academy, I spent six months of 40 hour weeks immersed in new thought, yoga, meditation, humanistic existentialism, clinical practice, and “hypno-thinking”.  It was good for me.

I remembered a meditation/hypno session with one of my instructors.  The theme was “walking through open doors”.  The sub-theme was “let it be easy”.   The lesson was that doors open and we walk through them with little effort.  There are paths in the universe that are open to us and life doesn’t have to be a struggle.  We can reduce strife by going through the open door and allowing life to happen.  Stop worrying about “making it happen” and trust the path you’re on.

Intellectually I understand this thinking.  I know we have no control over that which is external to us and the only control we have in life is our response (or reaction).  My guts, however, do not agree.  My guts revert back to “narrow is the way that leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it” (Matt. 7:13).  As a child I learned that the “easy” path was wrong and the ‘good’ path was hard and strident and challenging.  There seemed to be little ease on the ‘good’ path.  Damn my guts.

Actually there is no discrepancy between the Bible phrase and existentialism.  There are actually few people who “let it be easy” and find the ‘good’ path.  Most people lead with their wounds and fears and scars and disappointments and strife and blah blah blah.  Being on the narrow path that leads to a fuller life is a choice… a choice to “let it be easy”.

Now I know these pithy writings are really lessons to me…. Hopefully you enjoy them too.

And my retort to my wife was “There is no writing… it’s all re-writing. And re-writing is easy”

Of course, your mileage may vary

Dr Jay

Growth is Optional

Jay Irvin growth, leadership, mindfulness, opinion, police, problem solving, psychology , , , ,

In my profession, time on the job is a most valued asset.  A 12 year officer is more valuable than a 6 year officer.

I’m not certain this value serves us as a profession very well.  It’s possible to have ten years experience and it’s possible to have one year experience repeated ten times…. Sometimes it’s hard to know which is which.

One of my team leaders would finish police briefing every day with this catch-phrase:  “Drive fast. Take chances”.  Most sergeants close briefing with “Be careful” “Stay safe”  etc, etc.  But ‘Blanco’ (as he is known) knows the difference between 10 years and 1 year repeated 10 times.

OldCop

Blanco was not supporting reckless or risky behavior.  Instead he was passionate about learning something new everyday.  He was about growth.  Blanco knows that if we don’t challenge ourselves we will not grow. He knew that while growth is optional, the options to growth are not good.

It’s like the apples on the trees in my back yard…. Either they are growing or they are rotting on the vine.  In nature, growth is NOT optional.  It’s either growth or slow death.

When I started working for Blanco, he asked me what my goals as a police officer were.  I told him I wanted to become part of the leadership team: I wanted to make Sergeant within 5 years.   ‘Blanco’s’ advice:  Do what makes you uncomfortable. Take risks.  Try new things.  In short he was telling me to not die on the tree… He told me to continue growing.

So my true goal is growth.  Learn something new everyday.

Of course your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay

It’s All About Perception

Jay Irvin leadership, police , , , ,

Recently a senior supervisor told me I had a ‘jacket’.

I applied for a supplemental position and didn’t get the position.  According to the leaders present at my interview I was “one of, if not the best, interview”.  Yet I was not selected.  A hard pill for me to swallow.  I needed to find out how I could improve and progress forward.  I interviewed all of the people who had input in the non-selection decision.

I found, to my dismay, that I am perceived as “being anti-[my municipality]”. I was astounded.  I am the most ‘pro’ supporter of my organization, my city, and my bosses!  I could hardly believe the information I got.  But I knew the supervisor was sincere.  She told me I was “probably too direct” and the ‘jacket’ I had was that I “questioned authority”.  She said I probably intimidated some supervisors.

It’s not who you are…. It’s who you appear to be that matters.  Perception is more important than reality. It doesn’t really matter how I see myself… It’s how I’m perceived by others.

A senior officer told me I’d get further in my career if I used these words “Sounds great!”  as my feedback mantra.  He said most bosses perceive most anything else as questioning or threatening. I hope this is not true.

The lieutenant’s feedback was critical and I appreciate it.  I will grow from it and can use it as a learning experience. I’m disappointed I didn’t get the position, but I’m in this job for the long haul.

In other words: “Sounds great!”

Of course, your mileage may vary

Dr Jay

How I Got Here From There…. Sorta

Jay Irvin growth, leadership, opinion, oregon, police, psychology , , , , ,

I’m a 55-year-old street cop.

Most guys my age in this job are seasoned police professionals planning for retirement or working senior positions as administrators in specialty functions.   Not me.  I entered the police academy at age 52.  My academy peers had an average age of 27.

I’ll admit to you that police work (particularly patrol) is physically a younger person’s job.  But perhaps youth is wasted on young people.  It’s interesting to show up on a call with peers 20 – 25 years younger than I am.  Yet these peers often have 10-15 years more civilian police experience than I do.  Invariably the citizens we respond to assist assume I’m the senior officer.  And usually I let them think that.

I’ll tell you, there is no substitute for experience.  And it doesn’t really matter if the experience is life experience or work-life experience.  Ya can’t train experience.

What I know and have experienced in my few years as a civilian police officer is that most of the time the “best” solution isn’t a “police” solution.  And that is disappointing for many of the younger people doing my job.  Most of the time police work is simply people work.  Old man’s work.  Boring. Not glamorous.  Not “Cops” from TV. Not CSI.  This is good news for me.

So the question I started to answer, before my ramble is: “How did I get here?”  Well, that answer depends on who you ask….

In 2002 (42 years old) my world started collapsing.  I was diagnosed with advanced stage Type II non-Hodgkin  Lymphoma and cancer in my lymph nodes.  My oncologist said I had about 6 months to live…. If I was lucky.

Until that time in life I’d been a through several “careers”.  I had been a law enforcement specialist in the Air Force (5 years enlisted/5 years officer). I’d owned and operated half a dozen successful restaurants and lounges.  I had a lucrative contract as an adjunct instructor at a university (teaching leadership, management, coaching, communications, and applied psychology).  I was a contract trainer for a professional training company.  I was a mini real-estate guru (I had several houses and one apartment building). I had a couple years of 7-figure income. I was a divorced father with a good daddy-daughter relationship.  I was “set”.

The cancer diagnosis rocked my world.  It changed my world view.  I’ll admit cancer is a cruel mistress. She took my ability to earn, my health, and my material possessions.  I wrote a book about it How to Live Like You Were Dying.

BC (before cancer) I was planning on becoming financially stable through the food and beverage business and real estate.  When I got sick I couldn’t do what I’d been doing.  I realized my mortality was real.  Eventually I went financially bankrupt.

AC (after cancer) I realized that my financial future was elsewhere.  I changed my life.  I used my education and opened a therapy practice.

When the real estate bubble started collapsing (in 2008) everybody’s finances changed.  I mistakenly thought I was employable at my education and age level.  I was wrong.

I had 11 years military leadership experience, 10 years supervision/management experience, 10 years teaching/training experience, and 15 years of creating, owning, and running my own business experience. I have an associate degree in Criminal Justice, a bachelor’s degree in Human Resources, a master’s degree in Organization and Management, and a doctorate (non-accredited) in Human Behavior Psychology.  But I was unemployable.

370 job applications gave me zero job offers.

I cut my resume by two-thirds.  I dropped mention of my advanced degrees.  I got a job offer selling cars.

Wanna know the hardest thing about selling cars?  Admitting to your friends that you sell cars.

Another side note:  There are a lot of corollary relationships between police work and car sales.  Both are people jobs. Both are problem solving jobs. Both are stressful. Both deal with people you’d sometime rather not deal with (in car sales it’s the management–in police work it’s the criminal element). Both are misunderstood by the public and probably neither deserve the stereo-types they have.  But I digress.

After 2 months of car sales I got an entry-level job interview from a large hospital system.  The hiring nurse asked me if I knew what a CNA (certified nursing assistant) did.  I explained that a CNA was a glorified “poop and pee patrol”.  I got the job.

After 3 years of glorified “poop and pee patrol” I had some decisions to make.  I was almost 50 years old.  What would I do when I grew up?

I did analysis of my skills, my experience, my education, my desires, and my goals. I realized I still had the law enforcement mind-set.  I still had the desire to serve the public as a police officer.  I still wanted to be a “good guy”. I want be be a cop.

I started to get myself into physical condition. I applied to every agency with an opening within driving distance.  I got several interviews.  Then I won the lottery.  I got a code enforcement officer job at my current agency.  A code enforcement officer is like “police lite”.  Code work equals: working out of the police department, driving a vehicle with a police emblem, wearing a bullet-proof vest, being dispatched on the police radio, and working on “liveability” issues (without a criminal nexus) with no gun, no arrest authority, and minimal training.

Fourteen months later the (then) Chief took a chance on a 51 year old code guy and promoted me to police officer.  Nineteen weeks of academy, sixteen weeks of field training, and eighteen months of probation later I emerge as “the old guy”.

Just before I entered the academy I chatted with a member of our department who was retiring.  We were both 52.  I asked him “Knowing what you know, would you do it all over again?”  He responded “Yep. Just not at your age.”

Of course, your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay

How to Pick a Winner

Jay Irvin leadership, oregon, police , , , , ,

Today I spent 4 hours of my life watching a step in the selection process  for a top member of the administration where I work.

I’ll start by letting you know I work for a municipality. I’m a police officer.   I’ve been employed there for four years and really  enjoy my job.  Our police chief has been in position for nearly a year and a half and is preparing to hire his deputy.

Today was an interesting study in political theater.

After a nationwide search, there were three final candidates. The candidates were front and center in a “meet the troops” sort of forum.  For one hour each of the candidates were bombarded with prepared questions delivered by various members of the organization.

Detectives, patrol officers, K9 officers, records personnel, Sergeants, and even a Lieutenant presented the questions.  There was an impromptu grilling of each candidate by a seasoned detective known for his effective interview style.  Each candidate told his story, listened, joked, put their best foot forward, and worked to ‘sell’ themselves.

At the close of the three one hour-long sessions the chief asked for feedback.  The Chief wanted to know what we (the employees) thought about the candidates.

How refreshing.  A boss that actually wants the employee input in hiring a critical player in our organization.

There were two themes the candidates bloviated about:

  1. Leadership vs Management
  2. Communications

I thought it was interesting to hear the candidates give varied definitions of leadership vs management and see their varied communication styles.  In a nutshell, the candidates were:

Candidate #1  A rigid, adroit (albeit polished)  former FBI agent with the humor and charisma of a walnut.

Candidate #2 An accomplished disciplinarian and police Commander whose name-dropping was unfortunate because he dropped cringe-inducing names.

Candidate #3 A humble and genuine example that police work doesn’t have to make you cynical. What’s that line about nice guys finishing last?

It didn’t take too much for the attendees to give the Chief feedback.  There were an out-pouring of opinions.  Most of which are encapsulated in my candidate descriptions.

The Chief’s dilemma was a perception issue.  The Candidate Apparent (CA for short) was from his old agency.  The Chief wanted to clear the air about not trying to create a “new _______” (his old city).

The Chief wants to make his decision tonight.  The meeting ended at 5pm. It’s a big choice Chief.  My confidence is high in your ability to do the right thing for the right reason.

Now, I got thinking about all this because I’ve been a student and teacher of leadership, psychology, and social dynamics for many, many years.  (I taught leadership, supervisory skills, applied psychology, and communication for 10+ years at university and I’ve been studying these topics for 40 years.)

I was delighted to be in a room where I believed my opinion mattered in the work-place.  I’m a salty 55 year old patrol officer.  I don’t get delighted about too much.

I was wondering why I felt that sense of delight?  Why did I feel empowered about a decision that will not impact me directly or immediately?  Is this some validation about my beliefs and hopes?

I’m not sure.  I am sure, however, that I am blessed to be in an organization where the perception of my thoughts matter!

Of course, your mileage may vary!

Dr Jay