solutions

The Unwitting Liberal

Jay Irvin opinion, police , , ,

Check almost any recent news media and you’ll find stories of an unprovoked, impossible to understand shooting tragedy.  Some imbalanced murderous psychopath kills innocents.  Theaters, colleges, grade schools, malls, fast food courts, recruiting stations, city hall, churches.  There is no place protected from this unimaginable horror.

I tire of the talking heads spouting “fixes”:  One shouts “Gun control!”  The next yells “More mental services” Another screams “More guns”.  The vitriol between the factions is amazing to me. Many good people are willing to politicize these tragedies to “prove” they are “right”.  We are witness to an unfathomable problem in our society and all we do is bicker.

I’m not a flaming liberal.  I am not a curmudgeonly conservative. I am a both. I am neither.

If my dad read that line, he’d spin in his grave.  He was a hard-core blue collar bible-thumping conservative.  And he raised me to be the same. I was told that you must be on one side or the other.  Black or white. In or out. Up or down. Good or evil.  I was reminded to be “hot or cold” otherwise if I was lukewarm, I’d be “spewed out”  (Rev. 3:16). There was zero tolerance for moral relativism.  There were no “situational ethics”– It (whatever it was) was ethical or not! There is no compromise.

With this language and thinking it seemed that there is only one good…. And everything else that is not that is evil.

Life may seem easier when you see a world full of dichotomies and you must pick one and only one.  But real life doesn’t work that way.  There are infinite shades of grey between black and white.  I am not a fan of wishy-washy either.  I am a fan of working to find solutions no matter where the solution comes from.

So maybe the answer is arming a few teachers– And maybe it is smarter gun laws– And maybe it is more mental health checks– And maybe it is __________?  Truth is, I don’t know what the best answers are. But I do know we, as a culture, can’t continue to tear each other apart and find the solutions.

Whenever we ridicule an idea because it came from the other side, we are being stupid. There is no other side. We all breathe the same air. We all drink the same water.  We all face the same fate– (We all become worm food at some point).

There is evil and hurt and pain and fear and ugliness in the world.  I experience it every day.   But good greatly outweighs evil. And just because you disagree with me doesn’t make me evil.

I was sitting on the ledge of a 6 story parking garage trying to coax a “jumper” back to safety.  She saw the world as black and white. Either she could visit her husband (he was in prison) or she was jumping to her death. This is an extreme example of dichotomous thinking. And how does it relate to mass shootings?  Here’s how: If we continue to believe the  all or nothing mentality we usually follow a similar path that the “jumper” followed–that path of irrational thinking.  Hopefully not ‘jumping off a bridge irrational’, but you get the point.

Finding a solution to stop shooting tragedies is not a zero sum game. We can find a solution– if we work together.  BTW the “jumper” did come back to safety– after 3 and a half hours of coaching and talking and negotiating with several rational minded people she elected to get the help she needed.  Imagine how her response may have been different if the crisis team believed the all or nothing mentality.

It’s time to become a better father, husband, neighbor, citizen, police officer, dog owner.  I’ve got to remember the small kindnesses.  I must never forget to be grateful. I must remember to cherish the moments as I experience them. I’ve got to remember to be tolerant…. even to intolerant people…. I must remember, they’re not evil; they’re just  ….  irrational. .

Of course, your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay

Misery Loves Company

Jay Irvin opinion, police , , , ,

Misery-Loves-Company

In my job I am witness to incredible misery.  Everyday I visit with and experience the misery of others.  I often see people on their very bad, no good day.  Nobody calls the police when things are rosy.

I witnessed a struggling single mother with three kids just trying to hang on to her sanity.  From a childhood of rape and abuse to an abusive husband to trying to stop the cycle of abuse. There she stood: no money, crappy house, emotionally distraught and disturbed kids, creepy landlord, vicious neighbors, minimal support system…. I watched the tears stream down her face because to her it all seems so futile. And I’m helpless to help.  There is no police solution. This is not my first time in their home.  It won’t be my last. I can’t fix it….. All I can do is stand there and listen.  So I do.

A drug addicted man on the verge of being homeless came into the police station today.  He asked for me by name.  He told me he was frightened in his living situation.  I could see the effect his narcotic of choice was having on him as twitched and rocked and clenched his jaw while he sat before me.  He rambled on about his issues… some of which may have been imagined….  All I can do is sit and listen.  So I do.

A transient came running up to my patrol car to say “Hi”.  She’s 50 going on75.  At one time she was a fitness instructor but those days are passed.  Now her mind is scrambled from meth and pills.  She’s living her misery on the mean streets.  She wanted to tell me about getting yelled at by somebody.  But there is no police solution. All I can do is listen for a minute…. and make an escape.

A thirteen year old boy was hiding between the foot of his bed and the wall in a space about 15″.  His mom called because he threatened her.  She sleeps with a baseball bat by her bed. She’s afraid he will attack her while she’s asleep.  He has some emotional stuff caused by abuse and trauma.  He was in misery and wanted company but he didn’t trust men.  There is no police solution.  I couldn’t even listen… because he wouldn’t talk.  I could only “be there”…. So I was.

“Tiny” used to be 6’7″.  Now, at 60 he isn’t.  Life has not been kind to him.  Emotional and mental issues, heart problems, epilepsy, diabetes….. you name it, Tiny probably has it.  Tiny was upset over roommate problems. Tiny was having a miserable day.  Tiny is also an incredible artist.  Once the conversation went from problems to art and music Tiny’s day got slightly better.  Because there was no police solution, all we did was listen…..

The common thread between these (and 100’s of other stories) is how a couple minutes of compassion eases the pain.  Just giving a little company seems to ease the misery for a minute.  Once the pain and misery are relieved (if only for a minute) the problems get better…. So that police are no longer needed. This is astonishing to me. Not sure that being a compassionate companion was in my job description… But it should have been.

Imagine compassion coming from me…. a guy they call “salty” and “grumpy” and “gruff”…. Don’t let this get out…. It’ll ruin my reputation as a hard-ass.

Maybe it’s “Company heals Misery”….

Of course, your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay

Heartbreak in Beetown

Jay Irvin opinion, police , , , ,

I am an apiarist.  To be more precise, I am a novice first year, single hive beekeeper.  To say “I’m an apiarist” implies I know what I’m doing.

For the last couple of years I’ve been talking about getting honey bees.  I read a few books. I attended a couple of classes. I joined the local beekeeper’s club. I watched countless educational videos. I’ve learned enough to “be dangerous”.  This spring I stopped planning and acted. (More on that topic later…)

I started with a nuclear colony hive (about 6,000 bees) and grew my hive to about 90,000 bees.  My bees were doing well.  First year beekeepers do not expect to harvest any significant amount of honey.  I ‘robbed’ one frame (about 1/2 gallon) and was delighted to get it.

During the fall and winter months bees live on the honey they’ve gathered and stored. If a beekeeper takes too much honey the hive will suffer.  I knew my bees would be OK.  They had 15 full frames of honey stored.

Originally, when I placed the bee hive, my wife was skeptical.  She had an unfriendly attack from stinging flying insects when she was young and said she “didn’t like bees”.  Mistaking bees for wasps or yellow jackets is a common misconception. Bees are almost never aggressive.  Yellow jackets, on the other hand, are assholes.  It’s as if wasps and yellow jackets are perpetually ‘roids raging.

Fact is I was never stung by my bees.  I’ve been in their hive, pushing, prodding, moving, changing every 10 days or so… No stings to any family members either.  Our garden flourished more than ever. My apple trees and grape vines had bumper crops.  Yay bees. Yay pollination.

Bees do have predators.  Mice, ants, skunks, raccoon, wasps, hornets, and yellow jackets to name a few.

My hive was attacked by predator yellow jackets.  I tried everything I know to get rid of the yellow jackets and protect the hive; but I lost the war.  This evening I discovered my bees were decimated and all (I mean ALL) the honey was robbed. Yellow jackets killed my bees and stole their honey. I was heartbroken.

I didn’t protect my tender bees. I let them down. They were vulnerable and I under-estimated their enemy.  This is hard & painful learning experience.  And I’m not sure what the learning lesson is exactly.

In my alter ego I protect the vulnerable. I stand up for those who can’t help themselves. I am the guardian from the predators.  I keep order. I solve problems and settle disputes.  I lock up the bad guys.  And then in one autumn evening I discover how vulnerable I am to the yellow jacket.

I think my lesson may be to experience humility…. The sheepdog is beaten, not by a wolf– but by lowly flying insects.

Of course, your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay

Growth is Optional

Jay Irvin growth, leadership, mindfulness, opinion, police, problem solving, psychology , , , ,

In my profession, time on the job is a most valued asset.  A 12 year officer is more valuable than a 6 year officer.

I’m not certain this value serves us as a profession very well.  It’s possible to have ten years experience and it’s possible to have one year experience repeated ten times…. Sometimes it’s hard to know which is which.

One of my team leaders would finish police briefing every day with this catch-phrase:  “Drive fast. Take chances”.  Most sergeants close briefing with “Be careful” “Stay safe”  etc, etc.  But ‘Blanco’ (as he is known) knows the difference between 10 years and 1 year repeated 10 times.

OldCop

Blanco was not supporting reckless or risky behavior.  Instead he was passionate about learning something new everyday.  He was about growth.  Blanco knows that if we don’t challenge ourselves we will not grow. He knew that while growth is optional, the options to growth are not good.

It’s like the apples on the trees in my back yard…. Either they are growing or they are rotting on the vine.  In nature, growth is NOT optional.  It’s either growth or slow death.

When I started working for Blanco, he asked me what my goals as a police officer were.  I told him I wanted to become part of the leadership team: I wanted to make Sergeant within 5 years.   ‘Blanco’s’ advice:  Do what makes you uncomfortable. Take risks.  Try new things.  In short he was telling me to not die on the tree… He told me to continue growing.

So my true goal is growth.  Learn something new everyday.

Of course your mileage may vary.

Dr Jay

It’s All About Perception

Jay Irvin leadership, police , , , ,

Recently a senior supervisor told me I had a ‘jacket’.

I applied for a supplemental position and didn’t get the position.  According to the leaders present at my interview I was “one of, if not the best, interview”.  Yet I was not selected.  A hard pill for me to swallow.  I needed to find out how I could improve and progress forward.  I interviewed all of the people who had input in the non-selection decision.

I found, to my dismay, that I am perceived as “being anti-[my municipality]”. I was astounded.  I am the most ‘pro’ supporter of my organization, my city, and my bosses!  I could hardly believe the information I got.  But I knew the supervisor was sincere.  She told me I was “probably too direct” and the ‘jacket’ I had was that I “questioned authority”.  She said I probably intimidated some supervisors.

It’s not who you are…. It’s who you appear to be that matters.  Perception is more important than reality. It doesn’t really matter how I see myself… It’s how I’m perceived by others.

A senior officer told me I’d get further in my career if I used these words “Sounds great!”  as my feedback mantra.  He said most bosses perceive most anything else as questioning or threatening. I hope this is not true.

The lieutenant’s feedback was critical and I appreciate it.  I will grow from it and can use it as a learning experience. I’m disappointed I didn’t get the position, but I’m in this job for the long haul.

In other words: “Sounds great!”

Of course, your mileage may vary

Dr Jay

How to Pick a Winner

Jay Irvin leadership, oregon, police , , , , ,

Today I spent 4 hours of my life watching a step in the selection process  for a top member of the administration where I work.

I’ll start by letting you know I work for a municipality. I’m a police officer.   I’ve been employed there for four years and really  enjoy my job.  Our police chief has been in position for nearly a year and a half and is preparing to hire his deputy.

Today was an interesting study in political theater.

After a nationwide search, there were three final candidates. The candidates were front and center in a “meet the troops” sort of forum.  For one hour each of the candidates were bombarded with prepared questions delivered by various members of the organization.

Detectives, patrol officers, K9 officers, records personnel, Sergeants, and even a Lieutenant presented the questions.  There was an impromptu grilling of each candidate by a seasoned detective known for his effective interview style.  Each candidate told his story, listened, joked, put their best foot forward, and worked to ‘sell’ themselves.

At the close of the three one hour-long sessions the chief asked for feedback.  The Chief wanted to know what we (the employees) thought about the candidates.

How refreshing.  A boss that actually wants the employee input in hiring a critical player in our organization.

There were two themes the candidates bloviated about:

  1. Leadership vs Management
  2. Communications

I thought it was interesting to hear the candidates give varied definitions of leadership vs management and see their varied communication styles.  In a nutshell, the candidates were:

Candidate #1  A rigid, adroit (albeit polished)  former FBI agent with the humor and charisma of a walnut.

Candidate #2 An accomplished disciplinarian and police Commander whose name-dropping was unfortunate because he dropped cringe-inducing names.

Candidate #3 A humble and genuine example that police work doesn’t have to make you cynical. What’s that line about nice guys finishing last?

It didn’t take too much for the attendees to give the Chief feedback.  There were an out-pouring of opinions.  Most of which are encapsulated in my candidate descriptions.

The Chief’s dilemma was a perception issue.  The Candidate Apparent (CA for short) was from his old agency.  The Chief wanted to clear the air about not trying to create a “new _______” (his old city).

The Chief wants to make his decision tonight.  The meeting ended at 5pm. It’s a big choice Chief.  My confidence is high in your ability to do the right thing for the right reason.

Now, I got thinking about all this because I’ve been a student and teacher of leadership, psychology, and social dynamics for many, many years.  (I taught leadership, supervisory skills, applied psychology, and communication for 10+ years at university and I’ve been studying these topics for 40 years.)

I was delighted to be in a room where I believed my opinion mattered in the work-place.  I’m a salty 55 year old patrol officer.  I don’t get delighted about too much.

I was wondering why I felt that sense of delight?  Why did I feel empowered about a decision that will not impact me directly or immediately?  Is this some validation about my beliefs and hopes?

I’m not sure.  I am sure, however, that I am blessed to be in an organization where the perception of my thoughts matter!

Of course, your mileage may vary!

Dr Jay